1. Decide in advance what you’re asking for and why. When you know your reason is fair, you can hold your ground calmly even when your child pushes back.
2. Kids who push buttons are often looking for a limit. Colleen sees the most meltdowns, at home and in schools, when the adult can’t set one.
3. When your son tunes you out, stop and get on his level. Ask “Did you hear that? Yes or no?” Then ask what he thinks, or whether he needs more time.
4. Refill your own tank first. Colleen compares giving with nothing left to vacuuming a room without plugging in the vacuum: lots of motion and nothing happening.
5. Only say no when you have a real reason. Shaun’s default became yes, and his kids now trust that his no means no, so there are far fewer arguments.

“It’s like vacuuming a room without plugging in the vacuum. You’re just going through the motions, but there’s nothing turned on.” - Colleen O’Neill

“They’re looking for a limit. It’s kind of the child’s job to see where are the limits.” - Colleen O’Neill

“Decide in advance what you’re asking for and why. Just so you know that you’re coming from a fair place.” - Colleen O’Neill