think about our country

so if you look at our country like okay

well what if that's what families were up to

what if a family had a mother and a father

that was using their passion to fulfill their purposes

and then

they were able to articulate all of the language

and all of the frameworks that they used to do it

to their children

so that they can raise their children

see who's you know what I'm talking about

like that is a very powerful country

that supersedes warfare and any

everything like that as far as I'm concerned

because that is the core of human existence

and that's what makes this country strong

it feels like that is what has made the country strong

the way and it feels like maybe that's a skill that is

that is slipping through our fingers now

and we need to get it back

welcome back to the Raising Men podcast

Today's episode is a special one for me

not just because of our guest

but because

his work is part of the very foundation of this show

Eric Davis is a decorated US Navy seal

a master sniper instructor

and the best selling author of Raising Men

Lessons Navy Seals Learned from their training

and taught to their sons

long before this podcast existed

his book helped shape many of the principles

we talk about on the show resilience

clarity purpose

discipline and the unshakable role fathers play

in developing strong

and emotionally grounded young men

this conversation gets to the core

of why this podcast exists

so let's get on to it Eric welcome to Raising Men

ah thank you

glad to be here well

let's dive right into it you know

the reason that this podcast exists is because

I believe that there's a masculinity crisis

and um

you I think

came from the same place

when you started writing your book of the

same name

and now you've got three daughters and one son

but you decided to focus on raising men

as opposed to just raising kids why did you do that

oh so

that would have to come from

what happened to myself and my father

so when I was about 15 or 16 years old

this story is in the book

Raising Men as a matter of fact

but I'd come downstairs in our house

where we lived in Foster City

it's up in the Bay Area and around the corner

and my parents were waiting there for me

and how the story goes is my dad goes hey

I'm sick and I have to go to the hospital to get better

and what had happened was he was suffering from like

some pretty severe mental illness

I think they called it at the time clinical depression

so there was some chemistry that was off

uh and then he went into a series of treatments

of electric shop shop therapy at Stanford

and this was back you know

in the 80s so it wasn't super uh

kind yeah

it wasn't that wasn't coming

it was yeah

not at all so for all intents and purposes

I lost my father and my father was everything to me

I was my father was the bishop of our church

he was the captain of our sheriff's department

all I ever was gonna do was following his footsteps

and when he got sick

I at that age

how I how I describe it is

I was too young to be without a father

but I was just old

enough to know that I still needed one

yeah and that sent me on a search

and then I had an older brother

who ended up being an addict

I had a former father in law that was killed

prematurely and um

just as you go through life

you know there's a male and a female role

when it comes to raising a kid

and I started to feel the impacts of having

lost that masculine role uh

in my life really

we're right at one of the most important times

you know 15

16 that's when a father

typically

is gonna drop the hammer with some of your behavior

right so that's how

that's how it all started

wow that's fascinating

now how

you know would you agree with me that that

that there's kind of a masculinity crisis going on

well uh yeah

it it is for this reason

that I cannot go on social media

without a very tight algorithm

like I have to I gotta make sure it's very careful

not notched down to a fun thing really

really curate your feed with that yeah

you really have to curate your feed

otherwise you'll be driven mad

oh yeah

it it'll freak you out

but yeah there definitely is um

there's a big problem with masculinity

and the problem is

is everybody's operating from an antiquated system

so

it's what I would describe as traditional masculinity

and here's the problem the biggest problem

it is a one size fits all kind of a deal

so we have all these young men

these boys on social media

the messages that are getting fed to them

are all over the place

and the masculine role models are

the more masculine channels

they're still operating with the old school stuff

you know it's grow a beard

hop in a chill you know

what is it called an ice bath

it's it's gun

gun gun

it's like this physical this physical uh

presentation of man

which is a totally legitimate form of masculinity

back in a time where our primary role was protect hunt

fight you know

things like that and not that

we don't still need that type of masculinity

but now the world has changed

it's more competitive it's more dynamic

and it requires a lot of creativity

it requires a lot of ability to sit down and design

so now we have young men

who might find themselves in front of a computer

or a video game

and there's some negative things that can happen

from that but there's some

also very positive things that can happen from that

they understand how to focus

they know how to get into flow

they can continuously create hour after hour

so now these kind of kids and probably a five

you know probably a couple hundred

other variations that don't fit that normal

traditional masculinity

they're left with no nothing to hold on to right

if all they got is a bearded dude

jacking a bunch of weights

and jumping in a cold bathtub

they're like well wait

where do I go where's my masculine role model

and I think that's a big reason

a lot of these poor guys are left

really questioning themselves

in a way

that leaves them vulnerable to what's suggested

on social media

so it's a failed it's a failed um

model not because it was broken

but because the environment has changed

and if you think about this

this was something I Learned or yeah

Learned not too long ago somebody

was describing women as the ones who get to choose

who procreates

and it like blew my mind um

because I know

women will talk about not being empowered and

and things like that but for me

I've always had tremendous amount of respect for women

they've always been very powerful to me

but I lost my father so my mother was everything to me

yeah

so my point there is if women are choosing who they

lack of a better term breed with well

now we're gonna start getting different breeds

of young men

they're going to be breeding with the creatives

they're gonna be breeding with

some of them who might be more sensitive

and they need something to hold on to

and that's what everything

the second book

is the framework

for what I would consider modern masculinity

and everything I teach online

all of my courses

everything I do is geared towards that

so how do you define a modern healthy masculinity

so I'll speak it in well no

here's how I would define it

the reason why I paused right there is

I also believe this sentence would apply to femininity

like feminine side sure

except for well

you'll see why

so here's what I believe the role of a father is

the role of a man I believe

the role of a father

is to learn how to use his passions

to harmoniously fulfill and care for his personal

financial and professional purposes

so if you break that sentence down

and I'll do it real quick and we dig in if you want

when I say use passion sometimes that's referred to

if you're in the spiritual world

they're gonna say it's your gifts

some people will call it the talents

but when I talk about passions

which we can unpack but what I'm talking about is

if you're inside of your passion

you are living your authentic self

so now this is important

so now matter what the young man or even a young group

lady whatever they got going on

if they're using passion as a guide

then they know

they're operating inside of their authentic self

now here's the other part

because we're in a competitive environment

passion isn't something

you get to do after you're already wealthy

after you've already made it because it's competitive

we need to be operating in passion

because it's the only way we can produce the incomes

which are quite large nowadays

that we require to survive now

in the 30+ years of old age

when we can no longer work

so when I take passion into the fulfillment of purposes

the whole how do we say it

everything is now covered personal financial

professional purposes and I say Harmon

harmoniously care for those things

and that's the other side of traditional masculinity

what the male job used to be was sacrifice everything

come home drink a beer

ignore little Johnny and that was it

and now we see a bunch of father figures

not able to compete

so now they're living this lackluster life

and then their sons and their daughters

but then their sons can't look at them as the example

it's called tertiary competitors

now we have online

we have people online who are polished

and they've already been through the algorithm

so the things they get to see is

already passed the test of being interesting

and engaging yeah

so now they're now they end up following

kind of like a false prophet there

so that would be my definition of modern masculinity

using our passions

to harmoniously care for all of our purposes

and if you take that sentence

you can't go wrong

I love that formulation I absolutely love it

and it and it

it it

it marries up masculinity and femininity in a way that

I haven't really seen that done before it

it it

because that that does apply regardless of gender

but it respects the differences in um

in the individuals right

and I just absolutely love that formulation

it's very very powerful

thank you for sharing it yeah

no absolutely

and it does it doesn't only respects the

the specific kind of human that person is

it requires it so pulls them forward from all the muck

all of the muck that they're getting surrounded

if you give a young man

then they start to lock onto a purpose

purpose is powerful

purpose is what allows you to say no to things

it clears everything up because you're like no

that's my purpose this is where I'm going

and then when we add the passion thing

it's like OK

all of the muck will start to fall away

it takes a little bit of time

and for fathers it takes

you know probably a good year of study

this is no small you know

it's not like going into a martial arts studio

and getting your black belt

this is more like your GI suit

so it it takes some work

but the the

the important thing I think

or the powerful thing for fathers

and they don't realize this

it's one of those things that

it's like you put energy into your passion

and your purpose well

you start increasing your deployable

levels of time and energy

because it makes you more competitive

um and again

that's important because now they're available

now they're living a good and healthy life

to show their son

so yes it does respect who the individual is

but also requires it too

you know in your

in your book Raising Men

you talk about the lessons that

that seals pass on to to their sons or or

or you talk about the lessons that you got

from your seal training

that you are attempting to pass on to your son

what are some of the top two or three lessons that

every father can apply

whether or not they have a military background

I'm I'm sure that not everybody needs to tie their uh

their son's hands and feet

and throw them into the deep end of a pool

no

not at all but I'll start with that

um so I've had some

some comments or feedback

about some of the things they talk about in the book

uh my favorite story is my son was sharing there

there's a story about him not doing his homework

and his skateboard got smashed against a rock

he got

he got with his PlayStation in the pool during winter

and California is not super cold

but it was a cold and he had to go in and get it

there's and one of his friends was like uh

I think that's abuse yeah

I remember those stories I think they're

they're delightful stories

yeah but

but here's what I just jumped

the dog pile on that we were talking about

the time that the thing

the kids it

there's a whole bunch of behavior science I

I I had a Belgian Malinois

I trained her to be a Protection dog um

it was from Mike Ruddlin's pipeline

um and I Learned so much there

so I think

one of the most important things a parent can do is

understand behavior science and

and I do talk it's like tongue in cheek when I say

raise your kid like a dog um

but if you've ever been around dog trainers

they're crazy I mean

they have spreadsheets that measure their

that will assess the level of joy that their treat

right that their reward

I'm like good Lord that you guys are nutty

but I appreciate it because now I can learn from you

so you know

tying their feet things like that

what's important to understand is that

that was all within their limits right

I was their coach I was their trainer

I was their father

I know how far I can go before they get scared

I know you're or scared

being scared is OK

and because you can build courage with some fear

but I know if I go too far that

that fear will stick right

we'll lose the opportunity to produce courage

and will produce trauma um

so from a context of behavior science

and really understanding your kid

and the way you really understand them

for me

is to be outdoors and doing a lot of kind of adventure

athlete stuff nothing as extreme as people think

it's just like for instance

I was just with my grandkids

and I threw a climbing rope over a tree

put him in I had to tie the harness

I think they called a ranger seat and I chucked him

you know he's swinging from the tree

but you know

people like oh

you know dangling your grandkid

or your son from a tree and tossing him

that's extreme but you know what

really it's not it's more safe than a swing

it's just cooler that you know what I mean

it's much cooler yeah

and you get to see how they react

I love that yeah

I uh

you know it seems to me that

that much of seal training

and a lot of what you talk about in Raising Men is

it revolves around developing resilience

and so first of all would you agree with that

and second of all

how do you develop resilience in training

and how did that

how does that translate into your parenting style

so when we're talking about resilience

um we also have to talk about perseverance

at the same time and here's what I mean

so when we're persevering

that's basically sustained effort right

despite difficulty or failure

persevering by its nature

means

we're going to get tired and a little bit beat up

so we gotta start there

because then when we go to resilience

well what is resilience

resilience is the ability

either maintain

and or restore your capacity to take action

so perseverance could be us getting after something and

right and we get worn out and tired

and then resilience is to be able to recover from that

and come back the next day

as strong or stronger yeah

so if you just take that definition and break it down

and I would encourage this for all parents as well

like all of these words we kind of throw around and use

look it up chat

GPT it however

you do start to really understand these words

and pull them apart so how do we form resilience

well we have to understand

that we're trying to maintain our capacity

or recover so like in seal training

you start to learn things like you run

they run you in soft sand a lot

I don't know if you've ever ran in soft sand

I have I used to play beach volleyball

so did a lot of running in soft sand

it's about three times as difficult as running normally

oh yeah for sure

and then

if you become aware that you're running it soft sand

rather than the hard pack

then it gets five times and you're like wait

look into it the more you pay attention to it

the harder it gets right

yeah so maintaining

so there's little things a lot of

there's something called you're not cheating

you're not trying

and there's all kinds of context for that

in seal training but like

these are things like when I would run in soft sand

I would look for maybe a tire track

or I would look for where somebody else

foot ahead of me already struck right

because I'm resilient

but part of resilience is maintaining my ability to act

going out on the boats they put us in these IBS

inflatable boats small

that's how the Navy names some things

sometimes out in waves right

and guys got paddles and they're not necessarily

they didn't necessarily grow up as surfing

so resilience might mean maintaining

not getting the paddle wrapped around your head

by bailing

before guys start flailing with their paddles

whatever it is

there's obstacle courses where the logs roll right

again resilience is not getting hurt

not falling off with things

so maintenance is a big piece of resilience

and resilience is a skill

it's not some trait it's not something we're born with

yeah now

here's the most interesting thing about resilience

I think when you're talking about seal training

I was a corpsman in the Navy

which means I was their medic

I was a corpsman in Marine reconnaissance

that is their special operations

now I believe they're

that's all connected to Special Forces as well

so I had a lot of experience um

and the instructors knew that

so I was seeing and treating guys in my buds class

which is seal

basic seal training and um fully treating uh

like I said ton of experience

and one of the most interesting things I noticed was uh

secret kind of crafty

how about this uh

maybe the word would be clandestine

um okay covert

covert covert way they would quit

and how they would quit is they would not recover

meaning they wouldn't take the motrin

they wouldn't do the the physical therapy

they wouldn't do the the uh contrast baths

the massage the ice rubs like you name it

they wouldn't do it and at the time it blew me away

and then I really it was not really

until I got into the world of business

and entrepreneurship

that I started to see other people do it

in different ways um

and what that means is

they're gonna run themselves into the ground

um so that they don't have to continue

because in seal training

they're very careful not to run you into the ground

because once you run a human body into the ground

they can't keep going so they want to keep you going

so resilience has a whole lot to

it's a skill set and you're maintaining your capacity

and you're making sure that you recover

you you've got this great scene in the book

where you talk about

the mental aspect of resilience there

and you you describe a situation where I

and this is my recollection

it's been a little while since I read this passage

but um

it was early in the morning and it was cold

and you were looking out at the sea and you were

you knew that you were about to have to go

for a long swim

and because you had been a surfer and because you

you were you were jazzed up about it

you were looking forward to it almost

I mean it was gonna be unpleasant physically

but you were you

your mental state was one of excitement

and your compadre next to you

ended up getting so much anxiety

looking at that and feeling like

anticipating the the horribleness of it

that he ended up tapping out right then and there

he couldn't he couldn't take it

and he decided to quit before it even got

before they even got in the water and

and that's that

that's an example of

of what you're talking about for me

and it's a beautiful scene in that book

I thought

yeah I

it's it's my um

I'm probably most known for that kind of thinking

um and again

if we're talking about resilience

there's you know

80 guys on the beach

who are having to deal with the mental trauma

of getting back in the cold water

there was two of us

myself and a gentleman named Chris Campbell um

he passed away in Team 6 amazing guy

there's two of us that would kind of joke

you know make fun of the other guys

um

and that's a great example of maintaining our capacity

that's part of resilience

during third phase

we were out in the island the entire time

we're out there for a month

the entire time I would we get up early and that's jeez

you go through Hell Week everything like that

you think it's the Pinnacle

then you realize like nope

Hell Week was just to get you used to

what's about to happen to you

for the next four months right

and then wow the island

is a 30 day culmination of that kind of thing

so it's rough but every morning I was like

hey guys I thought

I think this instructors were drinking last night

I think we're good we're not even gonna PT this morning

so don't even sweat it

and there's a guys that would get on board with me

and again we're being resilient

cause we're not dealing with any of that trauma

that's about to ensue that's about to occur

I I don't know what to say

and I I don't

I is it a Mark Twain thing

but like half the worries are

most of our worries

are things that are never gonna happen um

so just take it protects your brain

and it's part of that maintaining your capacity

yeah I heard a quote one time

and I love the way that they put it and

and I I wish I knew what the source was

but it is uh

don't borrow suffering from the future

yeah amen

yeah yeah

yeah I amen

I noticed in the in the book

you use a lot of outdoor challenges

and extreme environments you know

we we joked about tying your

your kids up and throwing them in the water but

and you use those as metaphors for life

uh how can ordinary parents

integrate those lessons into their daily life

so

first we have to have intention

another way we can describe intention is

a purpose for what we're doing

um I've heard you refer to this as a clear end state

yeah yes

my my good friend

Larry Yatch described it as a clear end state

like what is it we're trying to produce

so like with kids for instance

um we might be thinking about things like confidence

courage um

respect like those are three things

so first thing with parents is

like I said before you know

words are powerful look them up

hold your own disposition

so you can describe it to your kid over

and over and over again

for 20+ years before they're like

oh geez dad

that was a I don't know

then they tell you what it is

I'm like dude

I yeah

I told you that 10 years ago

but first you have to have intention

and the intention needs to also include yourself

so um

you know people with parenting be like

it's not about you it's about the kids

I'm like uh

uh it's about all of us right

so for me I'm an outdoor guy

I like outdoor adventure

I like those kind of activities

so I'm going to use those as tools to produce courage

respect responsibility

whatever it is now

I will say this about it

being the only dad doing some things

like that also helps because if we look at

look at the marketplace that we business right

value importance

utility and worth

but one of the key components of value

besides that is scarcity so

I inherently like the outdoors

and doing these adventurous things

but

there's all kinds of things that could be adventurous

and aspirational and inspiring to your kids

so have an intention

and one of those intentions is to show up

to produce identity with your kids as the father

because when we have identity

people listen and people follow us

yeah I

I I love that you kind of have two clear instates there

right you have your own um

you have a clear you have your own

clear state of what your parenting mission is

and what your unique value proposition

if you want to use business speak to it is and all that

but then you have

you're teaching your boys how to define

clear and states for themselves also

and that's ultimately I mean

ultimately what's your job

what what's your job as

as as a parent

your job is to make sure that your boy has the skills

and capability and mental resilience to thrive

and that's it and so what

you know what else is there other than okay

well have a clear instate

and then fight like hell to make it happen

yep and then you center everything on that

like we talked about the beginning

when I was talking about traditional

masculinity versus modern

that's the end state

learn how to use your passions to fulfill harmoniously

care for all of your purposes

same thing now

that conversation as you as you right

that drives everything else

well okay

we do need perseverance we do need um resilience

we do need courage we need respect

we need responsibility

I like all of these things start to

they all not only do they all start to show up

because they're required

but they all start to take on meaning also

and that's another thing now

if you think about a human

when I say use your passion

that means be your authentic self

when I say hormones to fulfill your purposes

that means living a good life right

cause when you don't care for your personal financial

professional purposes you've got breakdowns

now the reason I bring that up again is one

I'll repeat that left and right

because it is what I want to stay focused on

for everything I do

but the other reasons it's important too

is think about a human

that's going to trigger their survival mechanism

it that might not be the first time

but if it's like well

that guy is out there

using his passion to care for all of his purposes

that's how you survive

cause we're autopoietic means we self select survival

and it's another part of pulling them in

is another part of attracting your children

and other people into your leadership

to your authority to whatever it is you're doing

and I don't mean authority

like I'm going to control anyone

I mean authority like hey

this is what's allowed this is what's forbidden

if you want to use your passion to fulfill your purpose

how do you think about rights of passage

you know what role do rights of passage play

in turning boys into men and how can we

it feels like

that's one of the institutions that is crumbling

how do we recreate those in today's culture

yeah um

how I started to address that was something called

seal pups uh

and I wish I had done more of it even

and I wish I was still doing it

although now the grandkids I think another lap

but right's a passage let's talk about a tribe

so my definition of a brotherhood

if I'm talking to men or a tribe

if I'm just keeping it general

is a group of two or more people

that protect automate

and accelerate

the current and future situation of each member

now that's a lot of word but when I say

when I say situation

I mean using your passion to fulfill your purposes

that's a try these are people that protect

accelerate and make it possible

yeah so now write the passage

like we're typically looking at warriors

and I've seen some attempts

I think of filling in the blanks there uh

are you know

doing it outside of a combat unit or any

any unit that is facing life or death circumstances

and I from what little I've seen of it they

they miss the Mark uh

because an important part to a write a passage

I believe is that it's a high stakes game

that is a matter of life or death

um and what you're doing is very serious

very serious and I don't think that many fathers

or men

take themselves that seriously in their own life

and I don't think they take themselves that seriously

in the lives of others either

so when we're talking rights of passage

we're talking bringing up our young men

um and there's a female version of that too

but bringing up our young men to be um

how would I say it

like a Jordan Peterson would describe it

being dangerous being powerful in their minds right to

to be capable to be able to uh

care for people to care for others

to be very important

and I think it's incredibly

important for a young man to transition through that

so that they do take themselves extremely serious

and seriously in their lives

in the lives of others

yeah I I

I like that formulation and

I mean one of the

one of the things that I'm um

that I'm loving so much about this conversation

is how precise you are and you

you spoke in the very beginning

about the importance of language

and the importance of understanding

the definitions of things

and then you're so clear and so precise about

what do I mean by

uh what do I mean by tribe

what do I mean by brotherhood

what do I mean by by uh uh

by masculinity and you're very clear and you're very uh

you're very precise about it

and it's a definition that

that OK

now we can work now now we know what the thing is

we're not just waving our hands at it

but we're we're

we're moving forward and I love that

it is such a powerful

it's such a powerful reflex

and I think it's worth putting a pin in that and and

and saying that that is a really important thing

yeah I appreciate that

and that would be also

an example of how seriously I take it now

it's not like I'm running around like

you know like getting after my kids

like I'm a very laid I mean

I grew up a surfer skater

I'm very laid back but it's like make no mistake

if you watch me do something

I'm doing something for a very specific purpose um

with intention even if I'm just taking a nap

it's what you know

I mean there's a purpose going on there

because it's tied to the it's tied to my purposes

and that stuff is life or death

it really it

if you don't get those things handled

then it really is you suffer

cause other people to suffer and die early

it is it is a big deal and it's a big

not only a big deal for the individual

think about our country

so if you look at our country like okay

well what if that's what families were up to

what if a family had a mother and a father

that was using their passion to fulfill their purposes

and then

they were able to articulate all of the language

and all of the frameworks that they used to do it

to their children

so that they can raise their children

so you know what I'm talking about

like that is a very powerful country

that is

that is to me that like that supersedes warfare and any

everything like that as far as I'm concerned

because that is the core of human existence

and that's what makes this country strong yeah

it it

it feels like that is what has made the country strong

the way and it feels like maybe that's a skill that is

that is slipping through our fingers now

and we need to get it back

it absolutely is

because guys are getting hammered in the marketplace

yeah it's more competitive

it's more dynamic they're using old school strategies

that were built

during this fourth industrial revolution

where the whole idea was to work hard

work hard work hard

right in the factory 12 hours hustle

hustle hustle

and that culture is not going to cut it anymore and

and that and

it is why we have to have a strategy

that is designed for the current environment we are in

because mothers and fathers don't have the time

they don't have the energy

they're cooked just trying to pay the bills don't

not even to mention the 30+ years of old age

when they're not gonna be able to work

so it's a very

very important that's a really

it's a really challenging thing

to identify

and maintain your purpose in everything you do

I've been thinking about that

and trying to figure out to what extent that I

that that I apply that in my own life and

and or have

or have not and I'm realizing that I'm

I'm feeling

I'm feeling resistance to it

and the resistance is

it makes me feel like I don't ever get to have any fun

then right

I always have to be

I always have to be working towards something

but that's not the way it

works it like I

having fun is can can be done with purpose as well

right

yeah so it's always interesting

and I probably

have to figure out a way to say it better

at the beginning'cause I'm always

surprised when somebody doesn't ask me

how do I figure out my purposes

like it's an interesting phenomenon

but the word purpose and passion I mean

you mentioned my language and precision hey

Ford don't think those words

I haven't figured those ones out

so let's talk about that real quick

what is purpose

purpose is to know the 50+ parts of your professional

financial

and personal life that you were created to care for

that's what a purpose is

and to understand what the positive impacts

of that thing being cared for

look like and what the negative

impacts of that thing not being cared for

look like that way we know if we're on par

right and then we need to design

or find the strategy to fulfill those purposes

now here's what people don't understand

if I were to tell you like okay

I hear what are the 50 things

there's about 20+ professional

there's about six or so financial

kind of depending on how you put it

and there's about a dozen personal

and what happens is our professional side takes up

what we do is we start like men

we start with our professional side our career first

and then what happens is we try to

stuff our personal side into whatever time energy

creativity

and currency that thing left over and it falls short

yeah so when I talk about purpose I

it's not the I get it right

remember what I said even when I'm taking a nap

yeah right

all that is is me

putting habits in place

that make sure I'm performing at my highest

but inside of our personal purpose

that's things like personal

I mean excuse me spirituality

that's friendship yes

finances brotherhood or sisterhood

fun and adventure career

right how we work membership

helping others like these are all good things

so I don't how do I say this

like how you establish your purpose is you I

we I teach people using a mind map

and they map those things out

and what they're doing is the

what I call a linguistic filter

what they're doing is becoming aware like oh

I have a purpose

where I'm supposed to have fun and adventure

because it makes me more creative

it puts me into flow it relaxes me

it allows me to be resilient right

like these things are important

so okay

well I can't just white knuckle my way into

to adventure and fun right

so when we define those things

it's just like this um

when I would be overseas um

and somebody get upset with me

like why

are you always worried about somebody

potentially attacking us I'm like

I'm not worried about it

I was just trained at nauseam to identify these things

so I'm just going around

these things are showing up for me

no different than a photographer

walking through a forest and noticing the lighting

and the mist you know what I mean

all the things that they would notice

so all purposes is identifying these things

and basically memorizing them

and there's only a dozen and it

and then what happens

all of our time and energy starts to align

with those things

and when you have those things cared for

we build powers it's not this what people get

it maybe cause I'm intense or so precise

but I'm precise because if I align people's actions

right and efforts with that

their life's gonna get real real good yeah

and I I think it's not even like you have to you're

you're you're creating this they already exist

you're just identifying them

your purpose is already there

you're out there living it

but what you're

what you're not doing is living it purposefully

and you're not having conscious awareness of

that's what your purpose is

and so you're kind of fuzzy about it

you're to to to use another term uh

that that you bring up in your world

you're chasing the ball right

you're you're you're you you

you don't know where the ball is

and so you're just kind of like shooting around it

and but by going through this exercise

and by identifying those things

then you can have conscious awareness of them

and you can realize ah yeah

that's why I'm taking a nap right now

or that's why I'm deciding to play video games

or that's why I'm

deciding to buckle down and work till 2 in the morning

today

yep yeah

yeah and now everything has meaning

we're no longer distracted right

like

all of your time and energy is 100% invested all day

every day right

it's always doing something

might be sitting on a dresser

your money or whatever it is

but like we'll always point it out

the things that if we get right

make our lives really good

and if we prevent them from breaking down

how's our life not hurt right

that that's all I'm talking about here

and it's just not that part of the drill um

but it's but it's not

it's not doing nothing okay

like how many people

how many people out there want to build a harmoniously

care for all parts of their life

so that they can live a good and dignified life

or how many people want their passions to do it

everybody everybody right

anyone in yeah

anyone in the right mind like

okay do it

and then people like you said

you're like oh

I'm like resistant to it that sounds like hard

like I'm locked in all the time

no you're not

I work like four hours a day

I run workout like two hours a day

I go to the wind tunnel

I surf I climb like it's not but why

because I paid attention to my purposes

and I just put my energy into caring for them

and then I got and I realized like oh

if I'm working much more than four or five hours a day

on my professional side

I'm not gonna be able to care for my personal side

and with that realization

guess what

I designed my business to care for my personal side

so it's just a shift in mindset really yeah

that is such a and

and you end up wasting so much less time

because everything

you're always rowing in the direction of the end goal

yeah and yes

here's the thing too those those purposes

they are either going to create

or destroy your ability to live a good life

they're gonna they don't just sit still either

they're out there operating anyway

so yeah I'm merely suggesting

since they're already out there in play

why don't we just identify them you know

get the language in our brain so we can notice them

and then move in a way that aligns them

and have them work together very well

it's it's not it's like I don't know how to describe

it's less effort than a semester of college

but it's not that much you know what I mean

but it's not but it's not a little it's you know

we are talking about mastering life yeah

um but yeah so I could very

you could see as my students

I'm like why didn't you finish this assignment

you don't know what you're missing

it's like right

it's everything what are you afraid of

yeah now

I like to finish up these conversations

by putting people on the spot with the

with the same question

give me one good operating principle

that you think every parent listening

should know about raising sons with excellence

um tell me what

when you say operating principle

tell me what you mean by that yeah

just like what is uh

you know uh

what is a good um

a good rule of thumb to live by or

or um

you you know

just something to keep in mind as uh

as you're trying to define or decide

what kind of parent you wanna be

or what kind of uh

or what kind of interaction you wanna have with your

with your boy

gotcha so if we're gonna have one

it's gonna

it'll sound cliche if you don't know what to do with it

but if you're gonna have one

it's leading from the front

here's what I mean by that

cause I don't want it to become a cliche

my grandfather was in the FBI

my father was a sheriff he was a bishop

a spiritual man all these things

they both weren't you know

they both checked out early right

my life still continued based off of what I observed

as a very young child right

they LED from the front so if we're gonna do anything

uh we need to be somebody that they would aspire to be

as well or at least not exact right

that's why we have the whole passion thing go no

no my purposes are gonna be a little different

my passions how I purposes what we're to get done

passions are how we do it

they can have that variation

but it's like live a good life

live the there is live a good life

um that's the operating principle

because if you're living a good life

they'll be able to follow that eventually

I mean doesn't happen right away

sometimes they have to go get hammered

made in the marketplace first yeah

that's it leave from the front

I mean that

I don't mean be the first one across the finish line

anything like that I mean

live a good intentional life so that they can see that

I think that is a really

really powerful sentiment Eric

thank you so much for spending the time with me

and sharing your wisdom

and thank you all for listening

you can find more of Eric Davis's work including his uh

his books including Raising Men

and his training programs and community at Eric Davis

two one

five dot com

and on Instagram at Eric underscore Davis 2 1 5 Eric

thanks again and

and thanks for being part of Raising Men yeah

thank you thanks

and all of you remember you are a great parent

raising men is produced by Phil Hernandez

this episode was edited by Ralph Tolentino