In this episode of Raising Men, host Shaun Dawson sits down with returning guest Ryan Riley, author of the Books for Boys series, to talk about finding purpose in life's transitions. Ryan's new company, Metaphor, built a self-reflection survey for people in a season of change, and Shaun takes it live and answers every question out loud. Ryan explains why the survey opens with one blunt line: "I know who I am." He also tells of a friend who dropped his only son at college and felt like he'd thrown a paper airplane he spent years folding. Together they unpack drift, Ryan's word for slowly moving off course, and why small daily corrections matter more than big ones. Shaun is honest about where he scores low, from speaking up for what he needs to making time to reflect. Parents will walk away with a few honest questions worth asking themselves before chasing whatever comes next.
Key Takeaways
Key Takeaways
- Big transitions, like a child leaving for college, can take away a parent's sense of purpose overnight. Ryan's advice is to look inward first, before you go looking outside for the next thing.
- Purpose is what lets you say no. Shaun borrows this from Navy SEAL Eric Davis: once you know what you're for, you stop doing ten percent of everything.
- Drift is Ryan's word for slowly moving off course, and it's neither good nor bad. You handle it the way you steer a car, with constant small corrections instead of one big swerve.
- A rough moment with your kids is a correction to make. It isn't a verdict on you as a parent. What matters is adjusting day by day so you keep the course you planned.
- Excellence means making your errors smaller, not being perfect. Shaun's archery example: at first excellence is just hitting the target, and later it's nine bullseyes out of ten.
"In those moments of transition, in the moments where things really matter most, you need to turn around and look inward." - Ryan Riley
"For me, the greatest compliment that I have is that my boys that are twenty to twenty seven still want to call me dad." - Ryan Riley
"Drift is a constant variable and drift occurs, drift happens. Drift is neither good nor bad." - Ryan Riley
Chapters
00:00:00 Welcome Back to Raising Men
00:00:40 Why Metaphor Built This Survey
00:02:49 Purpose Lets You Say No
00:05:05 Starting With Who You Are
00:08:03 The One Word Compliment Story
00:10:55 There Is Almost Always Time
00:12:15 Drift and Daily Course Corrections
00:14:07 Excellence Means Making Errors Smaller
00:18:06 Speaking Up for Your Needs
00:22:35 What Do I Want Next
00:32:28 Courage to Be Uncomfortably Open
00:36:41 Look Inward Before Looking Outward
00:00:00 Welcome Back to Raising Men
00:00:40 Why Metaphor Built This Survey
00:02:49 Purpose Lets You Say No
00:05:05 Starting With Who You Are
00:08:03 The One Word Compliment Story
00:10:55 There Is Almost Always Time
00:12:15 Drift and Daily Course Corrections
00:14:07 Excellence Means Making Errors Smaller
00:18:06 Speaking Up for Your Needs
00:22:35 What Do I Want Next
00:32:28 Courage to Be Uncomfortably Open
00:36:41 Look Inward Before Looking Outward
Books, Links and Frameworks Mentioned
When Boys Drift Before they Collapse with Ryan Riley: https://raising.men/episodes/when-boys-drift-before-they-collapse-with-ryan-riley
Beyond the Battlefield: A Navy SEAL's Guide to Raising Good Men with Eric Davis: https://raising.men/episodes/beyond-the-battlefield-a-navy-seal-s-guide-to-raising-good-men-with-eric-davis
When Boys Drift Before they Collapse with Ryan Riley: https://raising.men/episodes/when-boys-drift-before-they-collapse-with-ryan-riley
Beyond the Battlefield: A Navy SEAL's Guide to Raising Good Men with Eric Davis: https://raising.men/episodes/beyond-the-battlefield-a-navy-seal-s-guide-to-raising-good-men-with-eric-davis
