I've had this poster board up in my room

my whole five years at

at at um Miami yeah

the guys would come in my room and say man what's

is that your dad nobody thought that was a coach right

yeah they didn't

they knew yeah

they had never known him yeah

yeah they had never known him

yeah like

and they asked you who's your dad

no I said no

I said that's my coach yeah

because they knew it was at Miami

they could see that this is the locker room

like other guys are gonna like that

I said no

that's my coach yeah

so I heard that forever you know

but you know

and then so those

those my initial flashback like wow

make sense yeah

welcome back to raising men

Dylan Mccall

is the running back coach for the Las Vegas Raiders

and he's the co author of a book called

runs in the family with Sarah Spain

his story touches on a lot of the themes

that we talk about on Raising Men

and I'm honored to have him on the show

Dylan welcome to raising men

I'm honored to be on here

this is this is right up my alley

let's do it it is absolutely a pleasure

let's just begin at the beginning

you uh

were a young baby uh

you were given up for adoption and into an absolute

just delightful loving family in Youngstown Ohio

tell us about how that went and uh

and and what

and how that shaped your early years

yeah I mean

you know you know

I was adopted I didn't know I was adopted till I was

you know I don't know six

7 years old yeah

people didn't talk about it back then right

it was just a badge of shame or something

you know and and

and you know

you didn't know a lot of people who were adopted

but I mean I grew up

you know in the

in the um

definitely had a great structure overall

you know my mom and

you know my brother

um my adopted dad

you know I mean yeah

it started off as a loving

strong circumstance my dad

when I was 2 or 3 he left yeah

um so

you know it was a single family

single parent family my mom

um she did a phenomenal job under the circumstances

you know um

of raising me and my brother

you know along the way

you know she wanted to

you know for us to have a

a a

a father on hand so

you know along the way

you know she

you know she remarried

um that wasn't a good example right there father

fatherhood to me um

she went on to have another relationship that would

that really gave me a blueprint for what I didn't want

and you don't hold that you know

and just to give a disclaimer

I definitely don't hold that against her

because her thoughts in her

you know what she wanted to do was all genuine

she wanted a father figure there for us and

and sometimes she was trying to be a miracle worker

with some of the guys that she chose

but that was noble because she's like look

I really want this structure

she seen potential in some guys

who just didn't bear out correctly

so that was what it was you know

and at the end of the day

you know as rough as it may have been

it still it still gave me and my brother

a blueprint for what we didn't want

you know what we didn't want

but along the way

had a great family all across the board

my brother was phenomenal

he was four years older than me

um he was a phenomenal figure to me

of what a brother and what a man should be

obviously had great

my uncles and my grandpa and

you know and

and different things you know

and my aunts and uncles man

outside of in the home

you know um

I had some great structures around me

but all those things that I experienced and I seen

unfortunately in my home

you know

in different things like that and some of the adversity

it did make me very reserved

um it made me extremely introverted

it made me very quiet because I didn't

felt like I had the verbal tools or the physical tools

at times to defend my mom

um and

and and really stand up

you know in my house

I just was scared you know

so um

some of those themes I know we'll get to that later on

kind of permeated through

you know I ultimately had to overcome those things

but it took a while it took a while

and especially being someone who was not

I didn't experience therapy for this when like oh

I went through my I talked it out

no I just had to process it out kind of on my own

you know my mom had attempted to

take me to therapy when I was younger

but the structure of it wasn't um

in the way that I really felt comfortable um

expressing myself you know

for various reasons so

you know that was what it was

so um

um as rough as it was

you know I still give that back

I still say that on the forefront

the backdrop was still was very positive

my mom made sure that me and my brother

understood the value of education

and hard work I'm thankful to my mom

you know for that infrastructure

yeah you know

if you look at the statistics about um

the outcomes of boys

who end up growing up without a father in the home

or without a without a man in the home yeah

yeah it's yeah

it's scary yeah

you just would not have placed good

odds on you

having the kind of result that you ended up having

and I get the sense that part of the reason that

that worked out well for you is because of football

and because of sports yeah

so that that was

that was strong for me it gave me a structure

you know um

you know I say a lot that

you know football wasn't just sport

it was a structure for me

it was an outlet yeah

so the fact that I may have been reserved the that

you know quiet and different things like that

football don't care about that

football is about movement

football is about activity

and for me it was an outlet and a way to burn energy

and to kind of just it was a release um

you know so though

you know my mom structured it so

you know I was in football

I was in basketball she did everything she could

she she made sure

you know that those fees and stuff were sometimes paid

even before our light Bill was paid

she's like I want my sons to have these outlets because

you know when you talk about not having a father around

in addition to the environment we was in

in addition to some of the um um

tough environmental things

that could have pulled me in a different direction

and it did sometimes sometime I

I did I'm not gonna sit up and

and and claim perfection cause I'm far from that

you know but you know

I think the

the interesting thing about the environment is

people around me seen more in me than I seen in myself

that was something that I'm eternally grateful for

with some of my friends I grew up with who

you know

their life went in a different direction at that time

some guys end up in jail some guys

I mean I got some friends that deceased

and a lot of different things like that

from decisions they made

but I got the ultimate respect for those guys

cause even when I try to veer over into their lane

and these guys I go to school with

it is what it is they would say nah

we taking you home no

we doing this and doing that and I'm like

whoa hold up

I wanna hang out too I wanna go do nah

we gonna take you home it's like

they seen something in me that I didn't see in myself

at that time cause I could have just as easily

you know I was a willing participant

hey I wanna go hang out and do this

and these were guys who were my age

this one like yeah

you know I was 10 years young

these are my team my classmates teammates yeah

so they said no

you've got something else

you've got something special you need

and I didn't know how I'm

I'm sitting there what you tell me what

what is it I don't know what it is

cause I can't see it at that point

wow they essentially saved you

before they even saved themselves

they weren't willing to save themselves

but they were willing to save you

yes yes

wow that is incredible haha

well all

a lot of that really came into focus um

with the appearance of a uh

a bright red Mercedes Benz at your door

didn't it and so tell us about that a little bit

so just kind of going back laying

laying the the

the story around the whole thing

I mean so here it is

I'm you know

I'm a you know

I'm playing ball I'm okay

I mean you know

I'm probably just a marginal student

I was not a highly motivated student

just because I seen what's going on in my environment

I didn't have a really high

um sense of self

I didn't say I'mma be the this or that

the things that I am I never even forecasted that

I didn't even think that yeah

I'm just kind of based on what was going on

where what I had going on

I wasn't a phenomenal student inately

different things like that

um but I said

what can I control what can I really

really feel to control

I felt like I control how hard I worked

and what I did is I took that

you would it'd be easy to say you should

apply that same thing to the classroom

I applied it to football you know what I'm saying

I'm sitting here being transparent

I applied it to football sure

that came very natural to me and I said

you know what I can tap this out

so in football I was like a very

very hard worker because to my

what I was saying is you know what

amongst my friends and my peers

you know I wanted to be respected for that

that was really big in our community

football was huge in my high school and

and just where I was from in Northeast Ohio was huge

you know and I was the ultimate badge of honor

so when I got in high school

I mean

you know I was small um

I wouldn't that fast

I wouldn't that this I wouldn't that that but I said

you know what how can I make an impression here

and it was like the light bulb went off

probably going into my temporary year

I said I'm just gonna work hard

these guys I may not be whatever these other things

I wasn't thinking about the NFL or anything like that

I said

I want to be respected for what I bring to the table

and if anything it may not be supreme talent

but it'll be you know

enormous work ethic and that's what I did

so over the next couple years

I mean I just was talking about this the other day

that work ethic became contagious

and somewhat legendary on our team

because it was like look at this guy

is that right he get the ball

he running he's doing everything hard

he's on the work on the you know

strength workouts he's doing all these different things

so when my senior year um

you know

there was another guy that was trying to play out

running back which is fine

and I think he had a fumble in the game

it might have been our second or third game

and they put me back in hmm

um and I had a great game

like I'm like 200 yards and then from that point

everything was moving forward

so I guess

what I tell a lot of guys is

that hard work unlocked the talent

yeah so

it was like wow

we knew this guy worked hard

but whoa he in the game

look at this guy and so

you were ready that fumble yes

that fumble was your moment

but because you had put in the effort

because you had put in that hard work

because you had focused

and because you had gotten that reputation

you got the chance and you

and you were able to capitalize on it

as opposed to letting it go to waste

yes so

you know all of that that

that that hard work and everything like that

and just kind of how I handle myself on the field

it manifested itself my senior year and here I am

I mean going into my senior year

I was my plan was go to the Navy

I sent off the brochures you know

I had a 2.1 GPA wasn't like hey

I'm going on a athletic scholarship

there's no way

my mom was paying for me to go to school

you know I'm like hey

I'm i'mma go to the Navy

I'mma graduate and just go to the Navy

so that's what my plan was going into my senior year

ultimately had a really really good senior year

which LED to some college opportunities

and that's when the candy apple red Mercedes pulled up

I love it and and so who was in that

so I'm sitting there as I'm in

I'm in English class

and I look down and I see this candy apple

red and gold Mercedes it's stuck

so you can't help look down wow

we looking out the classroom me we on the third floor

we looking down like man we wonder whose car is that

that's a car yeah

like who's that stands out

what the who's that you know

and um um

I got a slip to go to the office

not knowing what I'm like okay

we got in there and it's almost like am I in trouble

what what's going on here

you know you have no clue you mean like hey

you know

you go to the office whatever it's recruiting time so

could be recruiting you don't know what it is

and I go down there it's like a movie I

I come in there and um

he turns around as coach

Sherman Smith from Miami University

he said hey

what's going on I'm Sherman Smith

I'm running back coach from Miami University

I love it yeah

I love it and so

what did he tell you that made you want to go there

what what

what made you wanna follow him

so I mean

he's from Youngstown so he

he's a known you know

I mean he's a known person in Youngstown

because he's from there he went to the NF

I didn't know at that moment he went to Miami

so that was a strong piece right there

he actually attended he went to Miami and graduated

I was drawn to him

because I never been around a person like that

yeah really good looking guy

well spoken I hear I'm a quiet guy

I'm an introverted guy he was very confident

you know um

well spoken graduated from college

play in the NFL all these check marks

and I'm like man check

I wanna do that I wanna do that

I wanna do that all these different things of a person

right there in front of me

so the opportunity to

to go to Miami and be around somebody like him

was something that you know

was very intriguing to me

yeah I love that

and he he

ended up being a really strong mentor for you

I mean the

the 30 year mentorship right yeah

so I mean

you know it ended up

you know maybe a couple weeks later

you know after we

he came to the school we didn't have a

you know we didn't have a phone

we didn't have a car he came over and did a home visit

you know that's something

you know you know

he understood you know

he it didn't take him long to figure out

the struggles that I had you know

when I say the struggle yeah

he knew that walking in the door like okay

but he's from Youngstown sure yes

he grew up he had both parents

it was different he had a different um

circumstance than I had

as far as directly in the household

so when he came in I mean

we had a extension cord I mean

it's kind of well documented coming from our next door

I lived in a project

so we had an extension cord that came through

and that's that's

that was the power in our house

so going to the lamp that was in the room

so yeah we sat there but had a phenomenal his

his disposition me

he wasn't judging anything

but I think he was gathering information like man

this guy got a ton of reasons to be successful

you know he got a ton of reasons this driving him to be

you know more than

probably what his environment would say he should be

so um

had a great home visit um

Coach Smith drove me and my

we didn't have a car

he drove me and my mom to Miami University

so he drove us up there for the visit

wow I had a phenomenal visit

and there was no way in the world that I wasn't

going to Miami to be up under him

and it was

Miami was a different world for me because it was

you know I mean

Miami is called the Harvard of the Midwest

I mean it's unbelievably beautiful school

it is a a historically

legendarily strong academic school

yeah you know

and I was saying wow

I could really go out of the box by doing this

because there's so many people

like I actually had one of my teachers in the school

she actually told me once I said I was going to Miami

she looked at me and said

there's no way you'll make it at Miami

so I had so many things that were motivational to me

as I ultimately went to Miami

but those are the reasons

I mean Coach Smith

the campus the challenge

and then the prestige that would come on the end

of being somebody who made it through Miami

yeah I get the sense that uh

the best way to get you to do something is to tell you

you can't you'll never be able to do it yeah

yeah that's that because I heard that so much

you know what I'm saying

so growing up and I believed it for a while now yeah

I believed it like hey

you know I get it

and it wasn't until opportunity presented itself

and then I walked through that door

and then you know

and I know we'll get to this later on

but then every step for me

every mountain that I overcame

there was another valley I had to go down

because it was like okay

you did you did this here

but I can't you I bet you won't be able to do it here

well in high school you did this

but you won't be able to do this in college well

and so on and so forth so I'm always

I'm forever driven and for

for me my path has forever been a rough path

yeah but and

and so let's get into that and

and one one of the things that happened there um

is that Coach Smith left Miami

shortly after you got there

didn't he so I

you know I

I'm fired up to go to Miami um

and like right before I went there um

maybe like the I went there in August

so like maybe late July he called me

and he talked about playing a different position

he said you wanna

we want you to play flanker

which in the in my high school offense

that was a running back so I'm like yeah

no problem and I get there and it's a receiver

I'm like alright so my

my first my so in training camp I'm playing receiver

and here I am I'm 5 10 150 pounds or whatever

but I'm running around I'm catching the ball whatever

and it wasn't until like

the week before our first game

we did a scrimmage and um

I'm watching the running backs

like I'm on the sideline

I'm just watching some of the guys

and I remember it was raining outside

I remember me I started crying and I said I

I don't wanna play receiver

I wanna play running back yeah

so I went to Coach Smith and I said hey

I don't wanna play receiver

he said we play this week

you're gonna play you actually gonna play receiver

you're in the game man

you I mean you you a guy who earned this

you gonna play

you gonna get a little playtime at receiver

I said I wanna play running back

I wanna play running back

so they move me back to running back and um

I went like on the scout team

I I redshirted and I said that's fine

I'll I'll you know

I'll you know I I wouldn't expect them

I'm

I know where my physical capacity was at that moment

I'm like I ain't ready to in one week be ready to play

we got good players here it was what it was

so I redshirted that year

um and after that season

this one Coach Smith left

so after my first season there my redshirt

I appreciate about Coach Smith unlike

you know unlike some of the other men in

in my life is that he was respectful throughout

he was even respectful on his way out

you know he sat down

he talked to us you know

and that was new for me you know

because all of the other

and it wasn't like he was in relationship with my mom

or anything but some of these other guys

when they left out they kicking doors out

busting windows on their way out

you know police

so it's crazy you know

crazy stuff when they left with him

and I noticed to me this

the parallel in my mind yeah

of somebody who was put in a power

a position of power and influence over me

who did it the right way he was respectful

yeah all these things

you know what I'm saying so

I kind of connected dots in a little bit different way

as it related to the you know

the influential males in my life

yeah and I

so I mean

I just get the sense that your life

up to that point was you got abandoned by a lot of men

and that had to have been

that had to have been really challenging to you

it had to have been really questioned

you

know your worth and that respect and all of that stuff

and then here's a man again

that you really look up to

he's a mentor for you he's

I mean you really respect him

he's one of the very first people in your life

that you really really

really looked up to in that way

and then he now he's abandoning you too

but he did it in a way

it sounds like he did it in a way that it

you didn't feel abandoned

you felt no

a different way no

I I did not feel abandoned at all

you know and for somebody

you know

outside of my grandpa and different things like that

somebody who I'm on a daily basis with

who I kind of went to the school

that's why I went to Miami

it was called Miami is a great school

I went there cause it's Coach Smith

yeah um yeah

so and so I had no

I mean my respect for him

I wasn't like oh man

you abandoned me I didn't feel like that

I felt like this is business

um he handled it the right way

and what I really appreciate is he said look

I told these guys

give you a chance to play running back

uh huh so that was something

because we had

just had two guys who were all conference the year

I didn't play but he was like

I told these guys give you a chance

to play running back so

that was kind of his last little thing

that he asked the coach give this guy a chance

you know so I'm glad he did

I'm glad he did and that worked out

that worked out okay that worked out

so that that spring um

you know I remember the head coach

phenomenal guy I'm

he's passed he's deceased now

but phenomenal guy coach Randy Walker

he said look

um we're gonna give you a chance at running back

if you don't make it out

if you're not in the top three guys at running back

we're gonna move you to free safety

I said that's fine too you know

I was a receiver before

but I'm really good defensive back too

I said that's fine

no problem we just had two guys who were all conference

and I'm at running back

so we go on the spring and never look back

I became the starter and I started the next four years

broke every record wow

yep yep yeah

that's amazing and so um

once kind of college started to end

then what happened

so I mean I go through the next four years

you know phenomenal career

broke every record at Miami and for the conference um

you know you know

I'm excited cause man I'm graduating all these things

it's like so many things that I overcame

cause I don't think anybody really forecasted

me being that level of college football player yeah

and you know

for me to you know

go through school have a phenomenal um

excuse me a phenomenal athletic career there

but then academically my GPA was higher at Miami

Miami is a hard school

I had a higher grade point average at Miami

than I had in high school

I wasn't asking about that yeah

yeah so here I am

I you know

I'm a much you know

my ability scholastically

was on par with what my expectations were for myself

because I didn't look at high school the right way

my sons don't look at it I

I changed that too

that's something that I passed on to my sons

that high school matters for me

it didn't matter

cause I didn't see myself going beyond high school

yeah so

you know

it wasn't till my senior year that it kicked in like

wait a minute I actually could go to college

so when I got to college

it was serious to me I'm like wow

now I feel like I was on like a whole another plane

and I felt like man

God got a plan for me

because every matrix would say I should not be here

I should not be in college

I definitely shouldn't be at this school

yeah based on everything that I had been through

so I felt every year of college was like

the ultimate blessing and giving me a platform to show

where somebody from this environment can go

so that was really really big for me that like wow

I'm I'm in like you know

to continue to ascend

with some things on and off the field

so I wanted to make sure that I handled that

the right way

so what happened after college

so get through you know

you know it was had a great career

I'm like hey

here we go you know

had great workouts for NFL teams

I'm a I wouldn't a 150 pound guy no more

I'm a 210 pound guy wow

I thought you know

here I am I'm running you know

I'm doing all these things on my pro workouts

I'm killing it um

you know but it goes to what I said again

just my life track is the rough track

yeah even when I've done great things

it's the rough track I had a great

you know at least a great senior year in high school

I don't even I'm not even

I don't even come in as a running back

like a running back so no

you gonna play something else

I have a four year career

that's unbelievable I don't get drafted

like everything say

how in the world don't you not get drafted

yeah that's just my life track

I go to the Cincinnati Bengals alright

I'm the last guy on the depth chart

that's fine hey

you went to a small school and you

you weren't drafted

and you're the last guy on the depth chart

you're used to being the last guy on the depth chart

I'm like unfortunately

but you you

it's like you get mad about it cause you're like

did I earn to to be

at what

point do I stop being the last guy in the death chart

you know when

when am I when do I stop being the last guy

when do I stop being the second choice

fourth choice whatever

so um

I go to the Bengals I'm the last guy on the depth chart

but by the end of training camp

you know

I lead the NFL in rushing and all indications are hey

you've done enough to contend to be the starter

yeah and I get hurt

so at the conclusion

the last pre season game with the Bengals

I blow out my knee an extreme

um extremely bad knee injury

so here I am I'm back on the bottom okay

I'm on I'm on

I'm on um

injured reserve so I'm like okay

now I'm battling back uphill

I come back the following year

I shouldn't have came back so quick

cause it was so many I come back

I run faster than I did the year before

no kidding all these things

but my knee is really really messed up

so um

the Bengals released me early and I appreciated that

it said look

we're releasing you early enough

so you can get on another team

I go to the Philadelphia Eagles

I have a phenomenal workout there

I you know

I'm on the team and my I blow my right knee out again

so it's my second ACL surgery

so I'm saying hey

I'm kind of done you know

and to me I

I felt like I had accomplished a lot

I overcame a lot of things

I got a degree I'd always wanted to continue to work

and this is probably like my driving force to a degree

still is

is seeing people reach their full potential

so I I've always knew like NFL was not my goal

that wasn't my goal that kind of

I kind of fell into yeah

the opportunity to go to the NFL

but once I was going through college

I said man

I wanna be able to do something to give back to guys

you know at risk guys

guys from rough backgrounds

different things like that

so when the

after the second surgery from going to Philly

I was living in Columbus um

and I started working at a group

I worked at a group home with at risk kids

wow and I felt like that's my calling man

I felt like I was really um

strong there and giving guidance and mentorship

and while I was doing that

I got a call from Canada the CFL

Canadian Football League yeah

so hey

let's go play some ball absolutely

so I went I worked at the group home in the off season

I went to Canada that was 1998

I came back worked in the group home

which is where I went met my wife

met my wife my second year there

going into my second year into the CFL

I go to the CFL have a great year that year

um come back

all opportunities or is

everything is leaning towards me

going right back to the NFL

cause I had a really

really good year my second year in Canada

and then I go to my I'm not my interview

I go to my um

my um

physical for the Bengals

and um

I'm supposed to go back to the Bengals

I'm like hey

it's all good

and come to find out my left knee was blown out

I blew it out in Canada oh my gosh

so that was that you know

at the end of the day I said

you know and I felt good about my career

I said nobody whatever took question my toughness

and everybody knew that when I played

I was really really good

you know when I was really good

so for me

from where I came from and everything

and all of the struggles and adversity I had

I said I proved my point as a football player

and now I want to prove my point

as what I could do outside of football

yeah I'd say you blew it out of the water frankly

I mean in terms of

in terms of what you had any right to expect

exactly you blew it out of the water

yeah

so then what so you're out of football

yeah okay

so keep on going so I'm done with football um

I got the two years of working in a group home

because I was I'd already said to myself look

especially after my my second injury

I said let me get ready for life after football

yeah you know

I said because I don't want

you know yes

I walk in with a resume saying hey

um I played in the NFL

I said yeah

that's gonna help a little bit

it'll open doors yeah

no question it'll open some doors

but it'd be nice to have some experience

to go along with it and I knew what I wanted to do

I knew what I wanted to do

so um

my um

we were living in Cincinnati

my old I just had my oldest son um

and um

a guy who played for the Bengals

not when I was there he was

he had played before I got in the NFL

or before I was with the Bengals

um he was there

a guy named Joe Kelly he

he had contracted with the um

Hamilton County in Cincinnati

and he had around six or seven group homes that he ran

like actual houses but they had at risk kids

and I went in and interview with him

he said man

you've been doing this already so I was like check yeah

I've been doing this so he made me a house manager

so I managed the whole I had a whole house

wow that I that I managed and um

so we had guys there

they were high school they were high school age um

guys and so I would take them to school in the morning

we get up hey

we you know I

they make breakfast and you

I go up make sure their room is done

make sure they boom boom boom boom

all these things are done

and then I take them to school in the

in a 15 passenger van I take them to school wow

so the school that I took them to um um

there was a guy there

who was a teacher who I played with at Miami

no kidding so I'm dropping him off

I hadn't seen him in four or five years he like

oh my goodness what you been doing

I said hey

I you know kind of told him and he said

you need to be here

because the school I went to was a charter school

and charter schools on the surface are for

it's an alternative schooling

yeah for you know

it's an alternative it's a public school

but it's an alternative school

and at least at that time

the beginning stages of charters were just happening

in Ohio and they were really like a

a spot where

the kids who couldn't make it at their public school

the traditional public school went to

so you got on paper allegedly the bad kids

yeah the kids who failed out truant

different things like that

so he's like

you need to be here so

I always talk to guys about the power of relationships

because come to find out

the guy who ran the school was a professor at Miami

no kidding he had never was

he never was one of my professors

yeah but um

like two days later I'm interviewing right there on the

on the sidewalk

cause he came out and I'm interviewing with him

and he was like yeah

I was at Miami while you were there

and he said one thing that we respected about you and

and no I was not the valedictorian

he said but what I

what teachers and faculty respected about you

here you are big man on campus

but you didn't conduct yourself that way

you came to class every day

you did your work you were respectful of the process

you were respectful of what people were in school to do

which is to get education

yeah you came

sat down took notes

you wouldn't ask him for favors

you did what you were supposed to do

he said and people across the university knew that

they respected that cause people like hey

they went to the games and this Dylan Mccullough guy

and we be sitting there

at a faculty meeting whatever and say yeah

he's in my class he sit down and do his work

he work hard I said

so here you are now and I tell guys who I coach now

you never know your teachers that you have

it could be years from now

they could be hiring you

based on the impression that you made on them

yeah and it wasn't about being a phenomenal student

it was about being a decent person

you know so here I am interviewing with this with um

Dave Nordic that's that was his name and he hired me

so now I'm like perfect I'm in a school

I love the school

aspect'cause the hours were better'cause

I work 12 hour shifts at the group home right

so you know

I I wouldn't see I wouldn't see my son

I would see him laying down before we be sleep

before I went to to work and be sleep when I get home

yeah so going into a school atmosphere

I'm like wow

I got the hours this I'm like this gonna be perfect

I never was a teacher before

that wasn't with my

my major in school was sociology and coaching

ironically it just not because I wanted to coach

it was because some of my PE classes fell into coaching

yeah yeah

so maybe that was a precursor

because I never was interested in coaching

I get to this school

they were just starting a football team wow wow

like they were just starting it was a new school

they were starting a football team

and I'm in Cincinnati Miami of Ohio is 40 minutes

45 minutes away from Cincinnati yeah

and I played for the Bengals

so everybody in the world like

you definitely coaching right

I'm like no no I'm not wow no

I'm not I'm not interested in coaching

I'm what I was gonna be doing

that working with the kids was my

was my thing you know

and it's and just kind of jumping back for a second

I just got done telling you 15

20 minutes ago my upbringing story right

no one in the world would say

Dylan Mccalla is gonna stand up and teach the guy

don't talk

he doesn't speak hahaha

how is he gonna how is he gonna teach somebody

he don't he don't talk yeah

you know but what I did over the years

I mean and that

that was a stigma that was with me for a while

even when I went to college

I was a really like my first year guys on the team

you know

I would talk to my team but I was really short

you know I was a great teammate I worked hard

but I always felt like

somebody gonna take this from me

this gonna get taken from me

this gonna get taken from me

so I was really

like

in my own zone and protective of kind of what anxious

what I wanted to do what I needed to try to get done

and I even

I felt for years like something gonna go wrong and I'm

it's not gonna work out yeah

I just that was just kind of how I was built up

you know to a degree just maybe how my thinking was

but fast forward several years

here I am in the school setting

you know and even just my tone and and vocabulary now

it blows people away when I go home

they said this wasn't you when you were here

we never got to hear your vocabulary

cause you didn't talk you barely spoke to anybody

so so anyway fast forward here I am

I'm now I'm an English teacher wow

you know and and I'm sitting here you know

he was like

I want you to teach communications I'm like okay

I was the fourth communications teacher that year

they're rolling guys up out of there

the guys couldn't have

and I came in there and it wouldn't happen

I came in and said boom here we go you know

and and one of the first people

this was really interesting

really interesting we had the it was like the classic

not I wouldn't call him a bully

but here he is a guy who sold drugs

he did some he was kind of in

he come to school just to flash and then he be gone

he come to school maybe once a week to flash his car

his jewelry his

and then he's gone a week

yeah two weeks

then he come back do it again

he just come in cause problems and leave yeah

but um

this particular day he came in and here he is

here I am the 4th 5th teacher that year

and he come into class and he started up with his mess

and I'm like no

no no no

no no

so I told him he had to stay after school with me

he's like you gotta be kidding

cause I'm putting structure on this guy

he's like what

and after school

um he knew my background

he you know

cause people like I'm

we got a former bingo working here and all of this

and um

he was the first person that I told my story

hey I'm adopted

hey I'm from

I'm you I'm from where you are

cause he start cause he was in class

you don't understand what I'm going through

oh yeah

I do

yes I do

very well yeah

so after school his name was Wyndham Parham

we had a long conversation

and it was one of those deals where

that laid everything out

the next day he was back at school and he told

and some people who act up

he turned around and said he was my guy who nah

I didn't have to enforce anymore

I got him because he he looking

at somebody who could give him something

because I came from the same circumstance

if not worse yeah

so he was the enforcer of the classroom

hey be quiet back there

wow what a

what a change yeah

he kind of and then I

he was one of the guys cause I was a football coach

then I wanted him to play football

so he came and play football and it changed his life

it changed his life it legitimately changed his life

from a guy who

probably wouldn't have lived too much longer

yeah to help get him a scholarship to college

and now he's like one of the top firefighter

I wrote his letter for him to get um

into the uh fire

the

what is the fire academy or whatever to be a fireman

and now he's been 20 years a fireman

family all

so all these different things

so my impact

I'm just using him as one that's really on a high level

but my whole goal there was

be impactful to the guys that I'm being around

I want to make a difference

so yes I end up coaching um

two weeks into the season

the head coach got fired and I become the head coach

I'm like I didn't even come here to coach man

and now I'm the head coach

right

but it was the ultimate blessing

man cause you may yes

I know football and different things

but where I wanted to

reach guys was just kind of the way

I was already doing it

but it gave me an additional technical

to help guys in a sport that I love

that basically gave me

a lot of the opportunities that I had in my life

so I'm the head coach I'm the

I was initially the English teacher

I became the head of a department

and I was the athletic director

so I did that for three years

and then I became the principal

so I became

I became the principal of the school because what it is

is it was a school within

it had like programs within the school yeah

so I created a a

I proposed a program called Sports Academy

which I'm still super proud of

it was called Sports Academy and I said look

I wanted to create curriculum based on sports

so I ran the program

um I got the guy who ran the school said look

you can get three other teachers

to round out your staff and

um and then get students to come in there

so I got a lot of the athletes

but I got you know

some other people too

but all the curriculum was based around sports

so when we read it wasn't a regular novel

we reading the autobiography of Jackie Robinson

and different things yeah

the the

the math was around sports themes sociology

I mean social studies was around sports themes

science was around sports stuff

so it was a way of tricking the guys like wow

we just coming in learning about sports

but no you learning about fractions

you learning about reading comprehension

you learning about chemistry

you learn about biology

so this program was phenomenal in our school

and that's when the guy who ran the school

he came in and said

if you can do what you did in this program

in the entire school

we'd have one of the best schools around

so I didn't know what he was getting at

he said I want you to run the whole school wow

so I became the principal

in July of whatever year that was

and I told him I said

you gotta let me coach this team now

I was the football coach I said

we this far let me finish this season

let me coach this season

so I coached that season as the principal

um I was the principal coaching the team

and then after the season um

you know I got another coach and then ironically

the guy who ran the school

who was a professor at Miami

we had a boxing team too okay

he was a boxer and he in December he died working out

he he passed away

so then I became the guy over everything

I'm like okay

I've only been the principal

I was the principal more for tone

and setting programs and kind of creating a culture

but now

I became the executive director of the entire school

so I was over everything so um

I did some switch UPS I made the school uniform

I said we hey

we gonna everybody wear uniforms I kind of boom

put my touches on it yeah

you know split the school into a split gender school

so I'm doing all these things

I wanted to be a better experience for the

for the students there

so I was really excited about that really excited um

we ready for the next phase

I am I want

I want to double click on something really fast

and you said that you

split the school into a split gender school

what does that mean and why did you decide to do that

well you know

I was just you know you

continue to look for ways to make the school better

you know

so I was looking at okay here's our population okay

we switched to uniforms

that was a huge step in the right direction

cause I was looking at

what are all the things that are prohibiting

guys from being successful

in our in our environment yeah okay

the whole thing of how you look

how you dress this my style

we're gonna eliminate that

everybody got the same thing on yep

you know because that was some of the things

when you went through and seeing why

when you were at school why this

why that'cause I don't want nobody to make fun of me

I can relate to that yeah

because I grew up I went to school yeah

I went to I had holes in the side of my pants

I had issues too you know

and I was in a uniform school

you know yeah

and and

but you know

whatever so that was one thing with the uniforms

and then the next thing with the split gender um

it was a guy named Dr Leonard Sacks

who I just put out a book called why Gender Matters

uh huh and it was an extensive um

publication on the advantages of split gender school

yeah and I was like

I love it yeah

I love it yeah

I love it because it talked about

especially for boys it's kind of interesting

we talk about raising raising men yeah

you know especially for the guys

the results were tremendous

because then I look back at our um

behavior referrals and different things like that

a lot of it centered around being masculine

in the wrong way in front of girls

yep so

we had a fight that happened in the room

because a guy says something to another guy

about a team that won

and he didn't oh

my team you know

beat your team yesterday

we talking about like pro sports

yeah and a guy felt slighted in front of a girl

in the back of him that he liked

so he had to say something back

and then you had this

so that's just one of a million examples in there

I said we can eliminate that

because we've all been in locker rooms

you don't have those issues

when it's just them guys in locker room no

you don't have it it's a locker room mentality

hey I'm not fighting this guy

we're good

so you create I created that circumstance in the school

put all the girls on the top floor

put all the boys on the bottom floor

and they went to lunch separate

everything was separate that's brilliant

and the the improvement for the guys was unreal

I mean it just took off

you had no more issues in the classroom

yeah you didn't

nobody was fighting because who you showing off for

nobody show off for it's just guys

we just say let's learn

and the same thing with the girls

so it was really good

so those were some of the things I wanted

that I really felt strong about

you know as well as some of the things we changed

as far as the graduation requirements

cause I had a lot of flexibility there and wow

put some really cool things in place

that really advanced the school

so I was there that school end up closing

um and then I went

and I was a principal at a elementary school okay

so that was a that was a cakewalk

you know I'm like okay

I came from the high school

high school with 1,000 kids to now it's an elementary

these are young elementary so

you know I went to this elementary school

and you had to wear a suit every day

which was fine I had to wear a navy blue suit sure

and either a a um a white shirt with a tie

or a powder blue shirt with a tie

I was like

I love that because when you talk about for me

kind of some themes and different things like that

when I was growing up

I didn't have stuff I didn't have those suits yeah

when I played football and you had to

we had to dress up for this

I dreaded that

when it was our graduation and and homecoming stuff

I dreaded I didn't have it was an embarrassment yeah

so as I kind of got older

you know and I kind of say this it's funny

I said this to somebody a couple days ago

I said every opportunity there is to be dressed up

I'm first in that line

take it and I'm gonna and I'm gonna be looking good

so that's one of the things that you

you talk about paying the purpose yeah

those things back in the day was painful oh

I'll be hey shoot I come in like I'm all over this

I got 60 suits sitting in there I'm like

I'm good I'm never gonna

I'm never gonna feel the way I felt

as far as the way

I presented myself and the way I looked ever again

so

those are some of the things I was really proud about

so went to this elementary school

did a really good job there

and what was a jump off to coaching is a nice segue

is at the high school although I was a principal

I still was the ad okay

so I still was involved we had a bunch of sports teams

yeah had yeah

three or four basketball teams

and so I was always that was something that

you know scratched that itch that I had yeah

yeah um

I was helping you know

I end up when we went to the elementary school

I'm

coming into that first year of the elementary school

I my oldest son was playing Pop Warner football

I went in with volunteering

helping with helping coach that

you know so but at the school

you know

I remember going to the lady who ran the school

and I said hey

I got all these contacts you know

in Cincinnati because I had all these teams

when I was at that other school yeah

I said let me let me just do a basketball team here

you know let me

I'm just trying to like man I'm and she said um

no she said no

we just an academic school here she was she was cool

she's like no

we we just an academic school

and at that point

my mind had jumped into some other things

because just to go back real quick

at the other school

we had a bunch of guys who got recruited

coaches would come through the school

and I remember a coach coming in and um

when I I would show him around the school first

cause I was really proud of what our school was before

I took him to the football coach

so I was walking him out afterwards and he turned

looked at me said you need to be coaching college

he said you'd be unbelievable

he said

I'm just looking at the way these guys respond to you

yeah you would be phenomenal in college football coach

and I'm like yeah

I wouldn't think I'm like

I never even really thought about it yeah

so fast forward to when she said we wasn't gonna do

she said no

I wanna do sports my mind was like okay

I'm ready

I wanna break off and do something in athletics

I think so many of us

who haven't had the kind of background that you have um

we end up achieving

some degree of success in some field

or something like that

and then we start to get scared of losing it

and you

I don't think you have that

I think that you've had to start over

so many times in your life

that if you need to start over

like every time you start over you go crush it

so alright I mean

like that gives you the courage to be like

no I want this other thing

I want to be a running back

so I'm not gonna I'm not gonna be a flanker

I'm gonna be a running back

and that's okay if I don't think I'm gonna fail

and then and then and here you go again

you've achieved like

all of this success and all this notoriety

and you've really made such an impact

exactly the way that you wanted to do

and then but you can't coach no

that's really not the recipe

so I'm just gonna blow up my life essentially

and go do something else

and to have the courage to do that

um after you've actually amassed some success

is tremendously rare

and that's really admirable

and it's really interesting

yeah it was it was as you know

cause I go into this field into education

I would that wasn't what my background was yeah

I subsequently get my you know

I get a master's in exercise science

when I'm running the sports academy thing

and then once the admin the lead administrator died

I had to get my principal certification

so I went got my masters in education

and got my principal certification

I gotta say along the way

obviously I got married yeah

I got four sons yeah

so that was my guys

those that's that's my that's my driving force

we'll get into the sons I can't wait to talk

so we get there yeah

we go get there so yeah

so I'm just excited about um

the opportunity and so it's now like okay

you you get to the end and now okay

how do I get into college football

so I happen to be talking to a guy who was a

that I use as a substitute teacher

when I was at the high school

I just happened to be randomly talking to him one day

and he told me

he was trying to get in the coaching at my Alma mater

Miami of Ohio right up the street

and um

he said yeah

he said I was up there and he said I didn't get the job

he said but I overheard

one of the administrators talking to the head coach

saying you need to get like an alumni on staff

like a you know

like one of the guys from the past really good players

and I said I know somebody that sounds familiar

that sounds familiar so I called him

you know I think I text him

I think I text the head coach yeah

I never met him before I just text him

hey Steven Mckella

I had to hit I said I'm in the hall of Fame there

you know um

you know I'd love to be considered to be on your staff

whatever so he called me the next day and he said

here's here's the job that I have

and back then these jobs are just start

they're rampant now but back then

this was 2,011 2,010

2,011 these what they call quality control jobs huh

so he called he said

I got a quality control job

and I'm like great

you know so here I go

I go from making $124,000 a year to making $521 a month

I'm going there

so so

oh man you know

definitely appreciative to my wife

my wife was a special ed teacher

we owned our home you know

we have you know

different things like that

so I told her I said look

and and

and you know

I appreciate her cause you know

I said look

this is something I wanna

are you okay with it she said well

you need to do this she said

because the last thing I want is 10 years from now

five years from now saying

I wish you

just

let me have an opportunity to go and try to do this

right so I went and did it

and here I am I'm getting coffee and running

you know running

you know making copies and stuff like that

and there's my picture on the

I'm on the stadium you know

this guy in the hall of Fame

and I'm I'm old now

I'm 38 39 years old

just getting into just getting into it

but I'm at my I'm a model yeah

so um

was really embracing not excited about that um

did that

um for one season

after that season the head coach

um took a job at Pitt

OK and um

you're at Pittsburgh yeah

and um

he said hey

you can come with me I said

to do what he said to be a uh

quality control I said nah

I'm not I'm not

I'm not doing that I'm not moving to do that

he said so what are you gonna do then

I said I'mma stay right here

and try to get on with the next coach here

or I'm just go back down the street

I got principal certification

and the school the elementary school I was at

they did not hire somebody

they have been especially near the end of the season

they was like you coming back

you coming back I said

I might just hold up let me hold up for a second

we know here in a couple weeks

and then the new coach happened to be who

the new coach that they hired at Miami was

my running back coach

after Sterman Smith left to go to Illinois

wow

and he hired me as a running back

small world he hired me as a running back coach

so again you get another opportunity to

show how you treat people

because if I was just a bad guy in his room

he wouldn't wanna hire me what

what am I hiring him for

I don't care if he's a good place

a bad guy that's right

I don't wanna hire him as a coach

he said there's no way I don't hire you as a coach

so I'm a coach for what I'm a I'm a mother and I said

you can't tell me anything

I'm on the Mountain Top of everything yep

coaching running backs at my Alma mater

and that lasted for one month hahaha

so for this movie that we're

we're talking about a movie right now yeah

and I know I know something's coming

it's either gonna be amazing or it's gonna suck

like something is something is what

which is it which is it

I gotta know so let's go back in time alright

let's go back around five years

to flashback to that coach

who

we walking out of the school where I was the principal

and he turned back around and said

you'd kill it in coaching man

you should consider being a coach

that coach

had now become the head coach at Indiana University

and that coach I never told you this

that coach was also on the staff at Miami

when I was a player

wow awesome

so here he is now he's the head coach at Indiana

and here I am just getting in the coaching and he said

he called he said

I don't wanna hire you

because the guy who was the head coach at Miami

they were on the same staff at Miami

he's like I don't you know

I went to Miami he's like

I don't wanna do this to Miami yeah

he said give me another few days

I'm doing everything I can to avoid hiring you

I'm trying not to hire you

I don't wanna have to hire you

and then he called he said

I need the I need you

I gotta I gotta do it

so I went to Indiana and um

I was there the next six years

we were you know

it was phenomenal what happened there

and all of the background that I had

as a school administrator

as a teacher obviously as a mentor

all these things like I had perfected in my

and that's not perfected I felt really

really really

really good over any of my contemporaries in recruiting

selling a product different things like that

because of what I did at that school for seven years

so here I am going out recruiting

I'm like I had to recruit

to get people to come to a school

that people thought was a school of bad kids yeah

so you better believe I can get them to come to Indiana

haha yeah

I can go out and recruit do different things like that

and form genuine relationships

cause don't forget

my driving force before I got in coaching

was to help kids help guys see their full potential

to form relationships yeah

to be something to guys that I didn't have growing up

so that was to to this moment

that's my driving thing so

a lot of success recruiting

a lot of success coaching

you know coaching running backs

doing very well there so

I was there six years I was there yeah

I was at Indiana six years

and then I went to university of Southern California

same thing great success

you know with

on the field and off the field

and then I went to the Kansas City Chiefs

I was with the Kansas City Chiefs for three years

we went to the Super Bowl twice

we won the Super Bowl and then after Kansas City um

I came back to college football

cause I wanted to be a head coach

um

I felt like my trajectory was headed in that direction

I came back and

I was the associate head coach at Indiana

for one season then I went to Notre Dame

you know I would never thought I'd be at Notre Dame

I went to Notre Dame coached at Notre Dame

I was the associate head coach there

had phenomenal success there as a team

and as a position group and then this month

this past season um

with Los Vegas Raiders so

my whole thing with the NFL stuff was I said look

I coach for a hall of Fame offensive coach

and Andy Reed in the draw to come back to the NFL

cause it was a bunch of I probably had 10

12 opportunities to come back to the NFL

after I initially left yeah

you know to come back and be under Pete Carroll

who was a who will be a hall of Fame head coach

but he's a defensive he's on the

he's a defensive mind your coach yeah

so to me it was all hey

what is some of

a lot of these things I can do that's gonna

ultimately make me a better head coach

so these different experiences all contributed to that

so bring me where I am now

you know here I am

been married 25 years

got four sons you know 26

23 21 and 9

wow what a range

yes and so I

I get this question a lot is

is that too many sons

would you have more if you

if you could if you

if you could be I

I feel like I do because one of my things that

that Coach Smith had always said

and then I carried in my coaching is

and I every

every room I go into I say the same thing

you may not be looking for a father

but I'mma treat you like you my son

and he said that to you he said

he said that to me a long

long time ago yeah

and then you know I

after some things we'll get into here shortly

that came back up yeah

and I said I haven't been using that phrase

but my actions yeah

that's how it was with all the

with all of the males with females too

yeah but the males you know

obviously I coach

that was that was my thing with those guys

I really

those relationships and how I treated those guys and

and different things that was very important to me

so what what's your relationship with

with Coach Smith Coach Smith Ben

all this time since you know

you left Ohio are you staying in touch with him

are you staying in touch with him for years right

what how's that going

so I

so I talk to him a lot you know

talk to him all the time when I

when I went to the NFL so I'm with the Bengals

he was at that point at that time

the coach of the Houston Oilers

so we kind of reconnected

um on the field

cause I was hurt then but me and him spent

we had a great conversation then

we talked over the years

he was on my resume as a reference

yeah always talking

always talking always talking

and I did skip a part

but it's interesting you bring it up

so in 2,014

I was of course

I'm the running back coach at Indiana University

and Coach Smith I called and said

he's the he's now he

you know

he was a running back coach in the NFL for 21 years

so he calls me and says hey

um you wanna do an internship in Seattle

he was a running back coach of Seattle Seahawks

I'm like yeah

that'd be great so I

go down and just for some other reference

let me go backwards to go forward real quick

like even when we at Miami like

you know people

we're both from Youngstown

and people used to always say

you guys look alike that was like the running joke

yeah you guys look alike

you guys look alike get up

you know alright

so fast forward a bunch of years

that was in 1990 here it is 2,014 yeah

we're over here with with the Seahawks

and I never forget Pete was in um

we were in a staff meeting and Pete was doing his thing

and he kind of looked over

he said you know what

something's going on with you two guys man

it was like he said

we're sitting there watching you guys at practice

and you guys walking alike

pointing alike and we both kind of laugh it off

like whatever I said yeah

I don't know we're from the same hometown or whatever

he's like they're like nah

you guys yeah

it's too much stuff to similar man

but it's kind of fishy

like it ain't nobody thinking that

kind of laughed it off and kept moving

but yeah so through all those years always

you know was always in touch with Coach Smith

yes yeah

I love that well

so in 2,017 you embarked

some laws changed

and you decided to embark on a mission

to find your biological parents right

yes tell me about how that went

so I'd always you know

I'd always wonder you know

you know my deep voice is just whatever

you know you as you kind of get older

you wonder where those things came from

and I know I've said it's been pretty well chronicled

you know coming up

did I wonder yes

did I want to actively pursue it

was too many things going on

of much more importance in my life

yeah then telling my mom

I know hey

there's a lot of stuff going on here

we got this that we you know

we got these other financial struggles

but you know what

we need to go and find my biological family

it's not happening that's not

that's not the priority I wouldn't even bring it up

you know and it wasn't really a priority yes

I wondered but it wasn't so much that I'm gonna

you know make a huge thing about it

but as I got older I started have

you know start having my sons yeah

you know um

start having you know

and you go in there and shoot the doctor say

give us your family history

you know that started ringing hard yeah

I get to my fourth guy man

what I don't know

you know so

you know I seem to

I was in more of a headspace to wanna find out

uh huh and then my adopted mom

she had told me that in Ohio

the laws had opened up adoption records

that right there was the jump off yeah

because then I called um the agency on Ohio and um

they said well

you weren't born in Ohio

I'm like oh yeah

cause I I

you know

I knew that I was born once I found out I was adopted

this was way back when I was like 6 or 7 yeah

I that I was born in

I knew I always knew I was born in Pittsburgh

got it even before I knew I was adopted

I just assumed

cause Pittsburgh is only like an hour from Youngstown

right I just assumed my parents were in Pittsburgh

my mom had me in Pittsburgh yeah

that's where the hospital happened to be yeah

that's where the hospital

that's where I happen to be

you know but come to find out no

you know I was adopted

that's where so um

there was a law so in in Ohio you can get the records

but my records weren't in Ohio

that's what that wasn't where I was born yeah

so I started digging and found out in Pennsylvania

I knew I was born in Pennsylvania um

that in Pennsylvania

there was a law that was going through

that was in process so that brings us to 2,017 2,017

I'm at USC I just got there

I'm waiting for like we

in the house

and our furniture and stuff was getting delivered

and I just jumped on my phone

cause I would just Google

it was I think it was

there was a house Bill

I can't remember what house Bill it was now

House Bill 78 or whatever it was

so there was a house Bill

and I would just Google it and see what's going on

and I googled it that day

and that day it had showed

it had just went through wow

I'm like oh shoot

so I called whatever the department was in Pennsylvania

and they said yes

it went through and I said

what do I need to do to get my stuff

and they told me

so I did the little application and I sent it off

and I didn't think about

I completely forgot that was March

yeah it wasn't till November of 2,017

that I was in my office

and it just hit me that day like

I wonder what's going on with this adoption paperwork

mmm hmm like that day

it hit me

I wonder what's going on with adoption paperwork

so I remember calling that department

yeah the lady didn't

nobody answered I'm like okay

I go home and when I get home

this is the paperwork is there

wow it literally

that day it was there

so I opened it up

and it was called your original birth record

which is basically like your birth certificate

it was one piece of paper

yeah I opened it up and it said um

it had on there um

what my name was which I wasn't expecting that yeah

it had on there John Kenneth Briggs

wow and it had my mom's name on there

and I and my adopted mom had always told me

she said she said

I don't know a whole lot about you

but your your

I knew your parents were young

and it had my mom's name on there

yeah and it had her age

she was 16 when she had me

I'm like wow

I'm just blown away yeah

so I jump on Facebook

I don't know what made me go Facebook

you know and I like

I'm trying to find her yeah

you know and with none of these other things I

I bring this up probably every fourth or fifth time

I tell this story

there because I was born in Pennsylvania

I did my search in Pennsylvania

of course and I don't know

I don't even know what search criteria I used

i'mma be honest with you I'm on Facebook

and that night

I found another person that wasn't my mom

who was in Pennsylvania

had the same name and was the age

everything fit now

I'm looking on her Facebook page

I'm like she don't necessarily look like me

yeah but there was so many people of that set

like her Facebook friends had to be like nieces

nephews whatever

and I'm like okay

I'm somewhere in that spectrum

yeah okay

I could see it I could see it

I could see it you know what I mean

I could see it I could be in that spectrum

so I sent that was um

that was the night that I got the paperwork

so that next morning I sent a Facebook message to her

to that person and I said hey um

were you in Pittsburgh Pennsylvania

December 1972 and put a baby up for adoption

so I sent that maybe a couple hours go by

get no response

so I remember um

calling my wife I said man

I haven't heard anything from that person

my wife said well

just relax she said

because if it's her

she might be processing what's going on absolutely

that's gotta be that's 45 years ago yeah

so while I'm waiting

um I just on my computer I just do a search

I just put the name I never put the name in Google

I just put Carol Denise Briggs

I just put it in Google yeah yeah

just like why why didn't I do this

I just put it in there while I'm waiting and another

she showed another Carol Denise Briggs shows up

I do some poke it take me like 5 minutes

I do some poking around like

I wonder what the d stood for yeah

because it's at Carol D Briggs

yeah okay

I said what does this d stand for

and I did like another site and it said her full name

and I'm looking there was a picture on it

and I looked at her picture and like

the picture of my family wasn't

I look back I'm like cause look

I like look look

look but we might have a shot here

she look a little bit like me

this is you know what I'm saying

like yeah

this might be something yeah

so all I did is copied and pasted that same message

same message yeah

went on Facebook

sent it to her and around an hour later

my phone pinged and it said message read

so I'm like oh shoot

my heart beating fast and I sent her a question Mark

like I did ask a question yeah

she typed back yes and I'm like whoa

so I get up and I walk out of the room that I was in

and then I sent the message

I said what did you name the baby

and she messaged back she said not Dylan

and I kind of chuckled and I said

what did you name him she said John

and she had it spelled the same way

it was on my paperwork wow

J o n wow

and I just started crying

I'm like ah

my bus stop crying and the secretary was like

what's wrong she said

you OK I said yeah

I'm I'm great now I'm really good yeah

so my mom was like what's going on

what's happening what's going on

and I said

I gotta call you later cause we have practice

uh huh so I called her later on and um

just a phenomenal conversation

I said

I'm John obviously

and she's oh

my god so

you know we had a great talk

I said where are you

she's in Youngstown I told her where I live

so

we were 10 minutes apart from each other my whole life

all that all that time in Youngstown

we were 10 10 minutes away from each other

um she told me

I said how did you end up in Pennsylvania

she said Dylan

I was young she said um

when my parents found out I was pregnant

you know my mom had me sent to a girl

I was sent to a girl's home for girls

in my same situation you know

yeah and she said

this was way back then she said

you know I was sent there to have you

she said you know

she was really apologetic

she said I was not

I couldn't raise you I wouldn't

I said I ain't mad at you

my life was great yeah

I'm like

I said I mean

everything worked out I guess we say it like that

you know but

but um

so we had that she talked about that

and I said well shoot

you was in Youngstown

I got any brothers or sisters

cause Youngstown is small

yeah you know

she said no

I never I never

I never had any more kids

and I never got married or anything wow

and then the natural and I just kind of naturally

just going through the questions

like taking my time I said well

shoot like kind of matter of factly will shoot

who is my dad yeah

and she said your dad is a man named Sherman Smith

and when she said that I almost passed out

and she said what's wrong

I said oh

I know him and she said how

and I said he recruited me to college

he was my coach

and he been my mentor for 20 something years

so and I said

did he know and she said he knew nothing

she said he was a senior on his way to Miami

she said I was a sophomore

she said it was just kids being kids

yeah and she said

it wasn't like we were boyfriend girlfriend

she said it was

she said it was just one of those things

and she said you know

he was

you know for somebody from our area to be leaving

and do what he was going to do yeah

I didn't want to impact that negatively

and she said and I knew where I was at

she said I wasn't in I

I wasn't prepared to even be a co parent with

with somebody right on on the on the child

she said my you know

my mom was still cleaning my room and making my bed

I wasn't ready I wasn't prepared to be a parent

I wasn't prepared to be a parent

and I wasn't going impede on what he had going on

so that was noble I said

I get it you know

I was I said

but he don't know she said

he has no idea

so so you have to be thinking like

like what do you do what

what's going through your mind at this point

what what

like you have to be thinking I

I do

I tell him do I not tell what

how do I yeah

I mean

like all of the the

the flashbacks of you guys look alike

yeah you guys look alike

we've been hearing that forever

yeah

when I went to Miami

um there was like a

a collage like a poster board

I had a of like accomplishments from high school

and then I had a picture of Polaroid of me and my dad

at this point me and my dad

it was just me on my visit

me and my dad on my visit to Miami

and I remember when guys would come in

um into my room

cause my dad was only there for that one season right

so when I had this poster board up in my room

my whole five years at at

at um Miami yeah

the guys would come my room and say man

what's is that your dad

nobody thought that was a coach right yeah

they they knew coach

yeah they

they never known him yeah

yeah they never known him yeah

like and they ask you

who's your dad no

I said no

I said that's my coach yeah

because they knew it was at Miami

they could see that this is the locker room

like other guys gonna like

that's it no

that's my coach yeah

so I heard that forever you know

but you know

and then so those those

my initial flashback like wow

make sense yeah

but then it was like a

a level of pride because don't forget you

when you go way back an hour ago

when we first started this thing

my sense of self yeah

it was a lot it still is

I mean it still is on some level

those those shades are still there that still

but my sense of self was low

and I just felt like you mean

you felt the abandonment

must not have been good enough

nobody wanted me all these different things right

and so even went to find you know

then the sense of pride yeah

went through the roof of me cause I'm like

my dad is Sherman Smith man yeah

this guy I mean

come on the whole world know him

this guy's he's unbelievable yeah

unbelievable

and it like so many things started making sense to me

and I'm like that's where this come from

that's where I come from and then it was like

so ironic

and just completely ridiculous that you start thinking

about um

nature over nurture sure

because I'm like we both from Youngstown now

my dad he grew up with both his parents and all that

I said here I am

I'm I grew up across town

completely different you know

a rougher circumstance yeah

by far yeah

but in the end or as we went through

we both end up at Miami how ironic yeah

yeah about a bunch of people go to Miami

what up right

we're both in a hall of Fame at Miami yeah

both of us in a hall of Fame

both of us leave Miami to go play professional ball

both of our careers end cause of knee surgeries

wow

both of us after playing professional football

going to education now

I'mma tell you right now

I wasn't tracking my life to Sherman Smith right

I wouldn't like what did Sherman do now

I'm gonna do that next I'm just living

I ain't thinking about what I'm

I ain't modeling nothing I'm living life yeah

but we both end up in education

yeah our both

our first college football coaching job

after we both were high school coaches too

are both college

are both our first college football job Miami

our next college football job in the Big Ten

he went to Illinois I went to Indiana

wow and then we kind of laugh about this

then we both become um

professional football coaches

both of us go to the Super Bowl

yeah we

both got Super Bowl rings

both of us also lost to Tom Brady sorry

Tom Brady Tom Brady

your nemesis your nemesis and and

and now one of my bosses how about that

I love it yeah wow

so all all of these things man

so now I gotta tell him right

yeah yeah

that's him so what's going through your head there

how do you how do you decide to do that

um so the night that I found out

you know I'm telling my family and everything

and you won't believe my dad is Sherman Smith

what I mean there's all these

so the next morning I'm like man

I'm gonna tell him so I text my mom

I said hey

can I tell my dad and she said yeah

you tell him so I kind of laughed about that yeah

you you can be the one to tell him that

so I text him and I said hey

I said hey

what's going on coach

I want to talk to you about something

so he called back I thought he would text me back yeah

that give me some time to get my mind together right

he called back and I'm like

oh man I ain't ready for this

I didn't we weren't prepared for that conversation

but I get on the phone and I say hey

you know hey

what's going on coach hey

what's going on Dylan

I said you know

I said you know

I'm adopted he's like yeah

I I know you're adopted

I said I've been looking for my biological family

and my dad is really strong in his faith

he's like man

that's you know yeah

and I said I found my biological mom

he's like oh my goodness man

praise God and all this and I was like

hold up you know

it's another picture hang on

hold up and I said um

and I said it just like this

I said I asked her who was

I said my uh

my mom's name is Carol Briggs

and when I asked her who was my biological dad

she said you

and it was like boom

he was sitting there and you can hear him

he's kind of talking to himself

he's mumbling to himself and then he said I

I do know Carol I know Carol

and so I'm excited yeah

like I'm fired up I'm like yeah

cause this is a really exciting thing for you

but for him it's a capstone for me is a

like a super milestone for me

and he was quiet and he I'm excited

he said he kind of cut me off a little bit

he said Dylan

I need to get off the phone with you

I need to process this yeah

so I'm I'm initially like miffed like man

why is he so but it hit me in the

and it was like maybe 40 minutes before we got back on

the phone yeah

and he's and and you know

I'm like wait a minute

he knew nothing

so when I got on the phone with him he said Dylan

he said you knew you had parents out there

he said Carol knew she had a baby out there

I knew nothing that's right

it'd be different if I knew something I'd be like oh

okay this I knew about this

I just didn't know the specifics

so I knew nothing so he wanted to speak to her

he called her had a great conversation with her

he called me back he said Dylan

I heard everything I got the whole story

so I just want to be sure I want to be 100% sure

and um um

I said yeah let's do a DNA thing

so we did the DNA thing in between that time

I'm getting calls from my stepmom who I'm

I knew her from recruiting

you know my mom my mom Sharon

she called me she's like look

y'all can do whatever y'all wanna do

I'm looking at pictures it ain't even no conversation

we wasting time yeah you wasting time

but and she was very

she was extremely excited and happy and supportive yeah

and then what a week two weeks later

the paternity test came back in 99.9% so we

it it we went from there he called me

I sent it to we've been we have been talking sure yeah

like yeah every day from that point

yeah and I

it's funny

I sent him an article from when I played in Canada

and it was a picture of me and I'm sitting there

and he said Dylan

he said this hit me so much

he said I was looking at that article

he said I seen the picture when you sent it

and he said I was sitting up wondering

where was I at when I took that picture

yeah yeah

he said just look

he said I thought it was me yeah

he said I'm looking at this like man

I wonder why I did this he said

I'm thinking he said

I thought you were sending me one of my articles

he's like I'm reading

looking at this like wait a minute

where was I when I took that picture

cause it was he said

that's me sitting there so

um everything went

you know paternity test and he called

I sent it to first I

I emailed it to him and then he called me

he said alright

let's go let's do it

you know so everything

you know

just kind of built from there because we'd always talk

we had a great relationship

yeah that's right

you know and it just

it just went to the next level

so what was it like I mean

the first time you see each other after yeah

what was that like what

what are you feeling what is

how does that go yeah

and it was phenomenal I mean

so I'm at USC and um

I said first I want to you know

I'm out recruiting and I I

kind of structured my recruiting to get to these spots

you know so I wanted to go to Ohio

I said man

I wanted to go and see my mom

you know so um

I go to see her and that was really

I mean it was really special cause

you know

we get caught up in this thing and everything with

with my dad that's

that's a phenomenal coincidence

God story unbelievable right

but man I was fired up

you never met your mom either

yeah fired up to meet my mom

I mean come on

you know and

and so I was I was extra fired up

and I remember going there and um

she knew I was coming and everything

and I and I got there and we just look at each other

and I'm like it just was like wow

it's like he was looking in the mirror

yeah and my uncle was there because my mom was like hey

here's you know

here's my brother and then because my mom was like

I don't know who you're my son

but I have never met I've never been around you

yeah and maybe like 10 minutes later

she told my uncle you can leave

it was almost like we get

this guy ain't crazy or nothing

is he and she was like around 10 minutes later

she's like

I'm good this is my son

I'm good and we just like embrace

and I kind of just holding her hand

it was just like I mean

it was like really really

I'm emotional and bonding and just like man

it was it was magical that

that was really strong you know

so got a chance to spend time with her

and then two days later I'm going to

I'm recruiting in Tennessee

my dad lives in live right outside of Nashville

so I pull up

you know on the street and I'm

I'm and my dad

he's looking out I can see him looking out down there

I mean I'm sitting in the car

I'm like

yeah I'm like

ah man

let me get myself together here

yeah I don't met my

it's not like I ain't never met my dad

I mean I know him as Coach Smith right

so but I go walk in

I go up and I knock on the door

and I didn't expect him to do this

and it was pretty emotional and strong again

another strong movie clip right here

yeah and um

he opened the door and he just opened his arms and said

my son you know

and me for me

I'd never had that reference

that's right yeah

you know you know

especially from somebody who I really

really admired and loved and

and you know and

and um

appreciated and respected

so man

it was it was

that was strong that was strong

it was it was

it was really good I love that reaction

I think that is just that is beautiful

yes sir

yeah I

you know in the

in the movie the curtain goes down right

and it's that's a beautiful movie

but in real life you have four boys of your own

yep and I don't

I'm so interested to know what

you know in a lot of ways

your hardships and your the way that you had to grow up

and the abandonment that you felt in some ways and

and all of that forged who you are

they were a chrysalis that

that

that made you great

but you also didn't get the benefit of a lot of

you know relationship with your father

your mother all of these things

there's this tension here

that you must feel about raising your own boys

you want them to I mean

you want them to have achievements

you want them to feel the triumph that you felt

at the same time you know

the way to you're not gonna deprive them of

of you know

that's not the way to get that

so what yes

tell me about

how do you bring this into raising your own boys

into men and

and how do you think about that

and how does that

how is that informed how you've done that

well just to take like a half a step back

even with my dad in the toughest part for my dad

you know in this kind of bridge

a bridge to this right here

the toughest part for my dad is he said

I know how you grew up

I knew I know also your dad

but I knew from recruiting you

I knew from the I went to your

your place I knew

so that was the part that was crushing to him

yeah later on to say man

and for him to say man

God had to have his hand in your life

he said because he looked back

that's the part that was

cause he knew this guy had it rough

yeah and I'm his dad

I come to find out I'm his dad

yeah and if he was under

if if I was his dad

those things likely is it those things he experienced

he could have done different things

it wouldn't have happened

I was his dad it wouldn't have

we wouldn't have been in those situations right

you know I'm saying

you know I

I can strongly say I like

I wouldn't have been in those situations yeah

so that was a that was a tough part for him

I can imagine looking back like man yes

I'm so glad that my son turned out the way he did

but man I know

cause I was

I seen some of the things

you know

and from recruiting them and everything it was rough

yeah but to go to my sons

you know to me

that's a perfect segue into kind of pain into purpose

you know for me

because forever from my onset

and sitting there

and hearing some of the things that I heard again

I don't blame my mom it just life was life

you know yeah

and some of the circumstances that was going on

I used to just sit there

and be up at 3 o'clock in the morning

or whatever it is and just seeing

and hearing some of the stuff that I heard

and like my driving force was I when when I have kids

they're my kids will never feel the way I felt

they'll never feel the helplessness or it

whatever it was the the list of emotions are are vast

yeah they'll never feel this way

I will make sure that my kids don't feel this way yeah

you know they will not have No. 1 No. 2

they will not have a disconnect from their dad

yeah I'm not my sons

you know and now here I'm with four sons

like it's the ultimate blessing for me

I would I'm don't care what's going on

my sons would never feel the way I felt

they will never feel any helplessness

they'll never feel lack of belief

or confidence from their dad

they'll never you know

um feel any emotional disconnect

you know I'm gonna go I was for years

all the way up until I had sons

that was that's my driving thing yeah

when I have the when I have kids

this is the type of dad that I wanna be

this is the type of dad I wanna be and I was like

like driving

probably more than anything

of what I was gonna accomplish as an adult

yeah yeah

you know that was

to me that was

that's my crown jewel accomplishment

and it's still an ongoing thing

of the relationship I have with my sons

you know it didn't have to be that way

you could have used it as an excuse

exactly

exactly I

hey I

I have terrible examples so hey guys

don't hold it against me and they know

you know I had a rough and these guys knew that

they knew but you

but they knew

and I would let them know where this level of over love

over intentionality where it's coming from

I didn't have that yeah

and I'mma make sure that when it's all said and done

and my son who's 25 26 years old

he ain't gonna look back and say man

my dad was like half stepping man

he ain't he really said that was overly on like man

this guy was like you know

really want me to be my best

yeah like

really wanted me to be the best I could be

and was really like there for me and

and help me and guide me and all these different things

he always was there for me

he made he was overly there for me yeah

yeah yeah

or wife there so yeah five men in the house

we had that when I was a kid

we there were four of us boys and and of course my dad

we only we didn't even have male or female pets

our our cats and our dogs yeah

both my dogs are even boys

both dogs are both dogs here are boys yeah

your poor wife yeah

but yeah so I mean

that's I know you have more questions

but that that was my thing

you know

is I just wanted to make sure that my guys you know

had a level of comfort as it related to with their dad

yeah how their dad would would show up in their life

how do they how do they experience that

how do they feel about that

do you think what is their you know I mean

like it was somebody there was like

we had this movie show me the father

uh huh and they actually interview for the

by the king's brother

but they didn't use my son's pieces

but they had asked the guys like

what is it like growing up with your dad and all this

and I wouldn't sit in there in the back with Q cards

like hey

we didn't even guys

I wasn't even in there you guys

and it was really strong what they say

you know all the things we learn from our dad

you know teaches us respect

and this hard work and all these different things

the things that the dad that

any dad worth his salt will want to hear from his sons

because you you putting so much into them

you know and

and trying to you know

be the fine line of look

I'm trying to instill some things

because

there were some things I Learned from that hardship

you know

there's things I Learned from not having electric

there's some things I not

that

I Learned from the adversity that I had to deal with

so you you know you

you gotta balance that cause I want

I wanna raise well rounded men

yeah you know what I'm saying

and the thing for me

I've been able to build a life that

these guys didn't have to experience

some of the things or live

and it mean shoot we

these guys live real good

you know what I'm saying yeah

these guys live good you know what I'm saying

so you still you know

I'm still you know

I keep them grounded

and everything that your dad has and that they have

you got through hard work

uh huh you got work

you got work you got work

you got work and all my sons

they get that they get that

you know and you got work to get

you got work to get

you got do these things you know

so they understand it and they

and they see it from living it

cause they seen it with me

they like

my dad ain't sitting up some type of charm life

just living up they see how hard you work

it's I gotta go get it

you know he gotta

he got things he gotta overcome

there's adversities that I'm seeing to my dad

he gotta deal with he gotta overcome stuff

you know so

you know

they see these things and I want them to grow from it

too and they see look

I ain't perfect you know

but we talking about you know

perfection versus intention

you know or intention over perfection

as relates to my sons

my intention is to be as perfect as I can be for them

guys

and like I said I want still a long time

I mean I sit up at night with some of the stuff

you know where

I was seeing examples of guys that I didn't want to be

yeah and I was building my

my mental resume and building my mental reservoir of

won't do that won't do that

I'll be the I'll be on the other side of the universe

of that action yeah

I'll be on the other side of the universe of belief on

in what in my sons

I'll be on over of patience

uh huh and

and want my sons to be the best

that they can be and and they'll never walk away saying

my dad he kind of short changed me on that no no yeah

you have this library of counter examples in your mind

you learn so well from counter example

it seems exactly yes

I love that I like I

I like to uh

finish up these interviews by asking

I'll put you on the spot here for

for a moment and ask you like if you

if you could share just one principle

just distill I don't know

all your your

your your knowledge or

or you know

it doesn't even have to be

it doesn't have to be an all encompassing principle

but if you could share one principle

about what it takes uh

uh or what helps to guide you in

in in raising excellent men

um what would that be

or being an excellent man yourself

yeah I mean

like I said and I use this in football a lot too

you know

it is not cheesy it kind of is what it's kind of a road

it's a roadmap I use for football and for life

being detailed dependable and disciplined

so being detailed and

you know what you're supposed to do

so we talk about football okay

I know I'm supposed to do this run here

whatever you can say it

I know it I know as a

as a young man or as a father or as a husband or what

what I'm supposed to do you can say that dependable

you apply those details consistently

so if I'm supposed to do these things

work this way pay this Bill

whatever it is it's so many the

the the

the balloon I mean

that umbrella is is unbelievable

and to me the last one is the most important one

discipline I'm dependable when it matters the most

so

you've created a criteria

for how you wanna live your life

and even in the rough times

that's when it mattered the most

yeah are you

that's how you know when the rough times come on

do you do the thing or do you not

because that's how you know

are you own you know

I'm saying and and

and it's a it's a nice road map and

or the guardrails and sometimes you

I go crashing over the guardrail

that's life but if you

if you kind of frame it to me when it

when it's framed that way

you know because the details are hard work

all these things there's so many

there's a million things under each of them

but it all start with the details

you gotta know first

and that's my job as a parent or as a coach or whatever

give these guys the tools to give them what they need

hey man

this is this is the detail yeah

so you can't say man

you undisciplined undisciplined about what

undisciplined about this I never knew the detail

right yeah

I had I didn't I didn't know what the thing was

I didn't even know where to start yeah

I had I didn't have it to start you

you hold me to the to the discipline aspect

I never knew the detail that's right

I never had a chance to be dependable

cause I never knew the detail right

so it all comes back to those things

you know so I'm consistently

perpetually trying to give the detail

mm hmm

whether it be from my own experience yeah

or their experience the detail

the detail the detail

and then holding them

those guys and myself to be independent

I'm not applying the details on a consistent basis yeah

and then again

when the rubber really hit the road hardcore

you know

forking the road or crazy stuff or whatever hey man

is your discipline you know

are you on top of it when it matters the most

when it matters the most

so those are the things right there and and to me

all the stuff hard work every

every sub category falls under the initial detail yeah

the detail of being a whatever you know

I'm saying these guys want to be so yeah yeah

one of my one of my principles is

is that excellence is failure

the only way to achieve excellence is to

is to constantly fail

and then just fail less and less each time

and and the only way you can know

whether you're failing is to know what success is

and that's the detail yep

exactly and then

you know the rest of it is being consistent and and

and yeah having the no

know what the values are

and then go execute them is really what it's about and

and like I said what I gave you is like a compressed

right all encompassing to me

cause it kind of could cover everything yeah

it covers everything and I tell them that's

and you're just your regular

you know

just everyday life football

everything being a brother

being a boyfriend all these things

I said man

when you come back then like God

you know you

you quickly I knew what I was supposed to do

I knew it I knew what I was supposed to do

and I knew I was you know

I did this so many times

but I didn't do it when it mattered

it mattered yeah

I didn't on this on that day

on this instance I didn't do it

but to but having that chronology of how it goes

I mean it's

it's something that

it's really been beneficial in football

been a been a official off the field too

it's the same principle it's the same yeah

it's the same so

you know I

I'll I'll tell guys

you know even on the spiritual side

even just in they dealings with guys

I say man

you either are you a blessing or a lesson

so you're

you're a blessing or a lesson

you know if I'm

you're a lesson I'm

I and I think of all them guys the

the some of the stuff that I

that I'm not proud that I was around and experience

yeah and

and them you know

them you

you may look at it like no

them guys were a burden them guys were a disaster

no they were a lesson

yeah that's right

it was a lesson yeah

so I always tell my mom that

I said look

you know she'll reflect back

and she's really apologetic about some of those things

whatever I said nah

I said first of all

it worked out yeah

now if I was sitting in jail writing a jailhouse memoir

yeah you'd be like

what the heck talking something different

maybe we have a different conversation

yeah I said

but no

all that stuff just gave me the other perspective

and it hammered it like thousands of times

hammered in my head what I wanted to be as a father

yeah what I wanted to be as a father

so and that same father aspect again

when you talk about my players and people I run into

you may not be looking for a father

but i'mma treat you like my son

that same overflow goes there

so I love that

and that is a beautiful place to end it

Dylan Mccalla uh

is the running back coach for the

the Las Vegas Raiders

and the co author of the book runs in the family

uh absolutely

absolutely strong recommendation to go look at that

and man I want this movie to come out

my friend please

please make that happen I can't wait for it

thank you so much for being part of raising men

the the name itself

I had to jump in when I seen that

I'm like I'm in

well I love it

thank you this can't go anywhere

I appreciate it I hope we can stick in touch

I hope we can keep in touch

no doubt I appreciate you

and to all our listeners and all our viewers

thank you for joining us for this amazing discussion

remember that you are a great parent

raising men is produced by Phil Hernandez

this episode was edited by Ralph Tolentino