Raising Great Guys in a World That Misunderstands Males with Jennifer L.W. Fink
In this episode, Shaun sits down with Jennifer L.W. Fink—writer, nurse, mother of four boys, and author of Building Boys. Jennifer brings decades of lived experience and research to help us understand what boys really need: space, presence, and parents who see them as they truly are. Together, they explore why boys are often misunderstood, how parents can respond with calm instead of fear, and what it means to raise great guys in a world full of mixed messages.
Topics Covered
- Developmental differences between boys and girls – Why boys aren’t behind or broken; they simply develop on a different timeline.
- Why boys are often misunderstood – From poop drawings to impulse-control moments, adults misinterpret normal development as misbehavior.
- Parenting through fear – How cultural narratives (MeToo era) cause parents to overreact to boy behavior.
- How to respond with connection – Curiosity over punishment; presence over panic.
- Healthy masculinity – Risk-taking, independence, protectiveness, physical play.
- Letting boys lead – Facilitating interests instead of rejecting them (e.g., Minecraft, gaming, tinkering). raising-men-podcast-recording-w…
- How parents can model calm leadership – High standards + connection = growth.
- Why boys disconnect – When they are shamed for their instincts, they stop trying.
Pull Quotes
“Look at the boy in front of you. Not the boy you fear he might become — the boy who’s here right now.”
“Boys aren’t broken. They’re developing on a different timeline, and when we don’t understand that, they start believing they’re the problem.”
“When boys feel like who they are is wrong, they check out. When they feel seen, they thrive.”
Books, Ideas & Content Mentioned
- Jennifer’s Website: jenniferlwfink.com
- Story of his youngest son crawling around the bases https://buildingboys.substack.com/p/building-boys-bulletin-7-3-23
- A recent post talking about some of the positive impacts of gaming https://buildingboys.substack.com/p/video-games-arent-bad-really
- Jennifer's article about gaming: https://www.enttoday.org/article/from-video-game-controllers-to-ors-the-surprising-role-of-gaming-in-modern-medical-practices/
- ON BOYS podcast, w 7 yrs worth of episodes & show notes https://www.on-boys-podcast.com/