Raising Men Under Hard Circumstances with Lisa Johnson
In this episode of Raising Men, Shawn sits down with Lisa Johnson, a high-conflict divorce strategist, certified domestic violence advocate, and co-founder of Been There, Got Out. After enduring a decade-long legal battle with her ex-husband—including more than 100 court appearances—Lisa transformed her painful experience into a mission to help parents navigate high-conflict divorces and protect their children from emotional harm. She shares the lessons she learned about parental alienation, emotional resilience, and how parents can stay grounded and supportive for their children even when a former partner becomes an adversary.
Key Takeaways
- Children in high-conflict divorces often express anger or aggression as a fear response and a test of whether their remaining parent will stay emotionally present.
- Defending yourself when a child repeats accusations from the other parent can deepen the conflict, while validating their feelings helps preserve trust.
- Protecting children sometimes means shielding them from the legal and emotional chaos while seeking support and therapy for yourself.
- Consistent connection rituals—even just ten minutes of focused attention—can strengthen the parent-child bond and provide emotional security.
- A strong, judgment-free relationship with your child is the best long-term protection against alienation and manipulation.
Top Quotes from Lisa Johnson
“One of the worst things you can do when your child repeats accusations from your ex is try to correct the record immediately.”
“Kids usually love both parents, so when they hear two completely different versions of the truth, it creates cognitive dissonance.”
“The most important thing is building a relationship with your child where they feel they can tell you anything without being judged.”
Chapter Markers
00:00 — When Kids Parrot the Other Parent
00:35 — Parenting Through a High-Conflict Divorce
01:14 — Meet Lisa Johnson
01:54 — Discovering a Double Life
03:07 — Staying to Protect the “Intact Family”
04:10 — “This Will Be a Really Bad Divorce”
05:29 — Representing Herself in Court
06:20 — When Divorce Never Really Ends
07:01 — A Father Walks Away
08:20 — The Fear of Father Absence
08:55 — Scrambling for Support
09:45 — Finding the Right Therapist for Her Son
11:02 — Aggression as a Cry for Connection
12:13 — Why Kids Test if You’ll Stay
12:51 — Aggression as Fear Response
13:45 — When the Fighting Finally Stopped
14:28 — The College Battle
15:35 — Financial Abuse Through the Courts
16:47 — Why High-Conflict Cases Defy Logic
18:15 — Why People Don’t Believe These Stories
19:06 — Turning Trauma Into Advocacy
19:50 — What She Would Do Differently
21:54 — Why Coaching Matters in High-Conflict Cases
22:12 — Avoiding Barstool Legal Advice
24:05 — How Trauma Shows Up Differently in Sons
25:23 — Shielding Kids From the Conflict
26:41 — “She Kept It Together”
27:30 — The Power of Male Role Models
28:18 — A Grandfather Steps In
28:47 — Debate as a Path to Belonging
30:45 — When Coaches Become Father Figures
31:00 — When an Ex Turns Kids Against You
33:02 — How Parental Alienation Begins
34:26 — Why Defending Yourself Backfires
36:31 — Validating Feelings Before Facts
38:07 — When Humor Becomes Avoidance
39:00 — Planning Responses Before the Storm
40:12 — Parenting From the Calm Brain
42:28 — The 10-Minute Rule
44:43 — Why Rituals Matter
46:29 — Making Time Count as Kids Grow
47:06 — Building a Relationship That Lasts
48:59 — One Principle for Raising Strong Men
50:01 — Closing Reflections
Books, Links, and References Mentioned
When Your Ex Turns Your Kids Against You – Lisa Johnson
https://beentheregotout.com/
https://beentheregotout.com/
Been There, Got Out – Support and strategy for high-conflict divorces
https://beentheregotout.com/
https://beentheregotout.com/
Splitting: Protecting Yourself While Divorcing Someone with Borderline or Narcissistic Personality Disorder – Bill Eddy
https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/bookstores/splitting
https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/bookstores/splitting
High Conflict Institute – Founded by Bill Eddy https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/
Frameworks Mentioned
The 10-Minute Rule (Child Psychiatrist Strategy)
A simple method to strengthen connection with your child:
A simple method to strengthen connection with your child:
- Spend 10 minutes of undivided attention with your child.
- Let the child lead the activity.
- Show curiosity about their interests.
- Give them both control and attention.
- Repeat consistently to build trust and emotional security.