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Why Boys Are Falling Behind (and What We Can Do About It) with Steve Biddulph
E16

Why Boys Are Falling Behind (and What We Can Do About It) with Steve Biddulph

In this episode, Shaun Dawson sits down with Steve Biddulph, a world-renowned psychologist, educator, and author of the global bestsellers Raising Boys and The New Manhood. With over three decades of experience, Steve explores the "quiet crisis" facing boys today—from school environments that disadvantage their slower biological development to a digital landscape that is rewriting the rules of adolescence. This conversation is a roadmap for parents who want to raise emotionally healthy sons of character, courage, and conviction.

Key Takeaways
  1. The Biological Development Gap: Testosterone in the womb slows male development; by the time boys reach school age, they are often 6 to 12 months behind girls in speech and fine motor skills.
  2. The Case for "Holding Back": Many boys benefit significantly from starting school one year later, allowing them to match the maturity of their female peers and avoid a lifelong trajectory of restlessness and academic discouragement.Mirror Learning & Masculine Virtues: Qualities like patience and kindness are "caught, not taught." Boys need thousands of hours of male company to absorb these complex, nonverbal skills through their nervous systems.
  3. Combating Digital Miseducation: Parents must actively counter the harmful "algorithmic" effects of social media and the "miseducation" of pornography by setting firm boundaries—such as no devices in bedrooms and supporting under-16 social media bans.
  4. The Father as a Safety Anchor: A father’s most important role is to be a "safety go-to guy". True strength lies in a father’s ability to manage his own strong feelings so his son never feels the need to protect himself from his own father.
Quotes 

"You give a man the right help, he will turn around."

"I made sure he knew what a good man looked like because you can't turn into one if you've never seen one." (Quoting a single mother’s wisdom on role models)

"A good kid is a still kid... but his body's screaming." (On the physical difficulty boys face sitting at desks in traditional classrooms)

Timestamps / Chapter Markers
00:00 — “That Book Saved My Life”
00:34 — The Quiet Crisis Facing Boys
01:12 — Meet Steve Biddulph
01:56 — The Family Therapy Breakthrough
03:59 — Fathers Who Loved but Couldn’t Connect
4:47 — Personal Grief and the Awakening
06:11 — When Men Don’t Know How to Support Each Other
07:28 — Why Boys Start School at a Disadvantage
08:26 — Testosterone Slows Male Development
09:45 — Boys Are Born Vulnerable
10:38 — A One-Year Developmental Gap
11:55 — Language, Fine Motor Skills, and Shame
12:28 — “Just Hold Him Back a Year”
13:33 — Sean’s Story: Skipped Grades and Silent Anxiety
15:30 — The Power of Repeating a Year
16:23 — When Big Bodies Create Unrealistic Expectations
17:44 — How Boys’ Bodies Develop
18:28 — “Move Me”
19:29 — What Boy-Friendly Schools Do Differently
20:58 — Father Absence and Modern Reality
21:26 — Single Mothers Have Always Raised Good Men
23:05 — “He Needs to See What a Good Man Looks Like”
25:09 — Recruiting Male Role Models
27:04 — Men Will Say Yes When Asked
28:10 — What Makes a “Good Man”?
29:18 — Patience Is a Physical Skill
30:50 — Mirror Learning and Role Modelling
31:46 — The Digital Wild West
33:22 — Australia’s Under-16 Social Media Ban
35:06 — Parenting Against the Herd
36:55 — Talking to Kids About Pornography
38:23 — Devices Out of Bedrooms
39:40 — One Operating Principle for Raising Men
40:23 — Hurt Creates Hurt
41:00 — Be Your Child’s Safe Place
41:51 — Final Reflections
42:39 — Closing Credits

Resources, Concepts, and Books Mentioned


Connect with Steve Biddulph

Episode Video